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Corat Coret Kenduri Kesyukuran dan Doa Selamat

Baru dapat mengupdate pasal majlis Kenduri Kesyukuran dan Doa Selamat held on 29/10/2011. Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dengan lancar.  Sebenarnya majlis nih lebih kepada doa selamat dan bacaan yasin, tapi memandangkan imannya birthday pun jatuh  bln 10, we all celebrate sekali birtday dia.. a bit belated lah.  





birthday cake iman, thanks kaksal and family for this special cake. Thanks kepada tokeh cake jugak; kyang and family

Cutting cake ceremony.. senyum lebar iman dapat cake yg lagi tinggi dari dia.. haha
adik pun tumpang sekaki.. sempat adik pesan kat ibu; adik pun nak cake birthday cenggini..
Background belakang : saya dan kak sal

Food by caterer nur idaman (they have restaurant  Nur Idaman, located at belakang hospital pusrawi lama) ramai yg komen kata sedap and the food comes together with cute little cuppies .. amat worth it. Ayam berempahnya sgt menjilat jari.. haha.. So sesapa nak pakai caterer blh contact saya utk dapatkan contact number azhah nih ye..Ada few foods di masakkan oleh family jugak mcm udang merah, udang sweet sour, bubur kacang, cocktail dan mcm2 lagi.  

Colorful Cupcakes

Paling best kami sempat berjumpa dgn salah seorang penderma platelet iman, kami x penah jumpa, 1st time jumpa nih, kami harap dgn platelet yg dia dermakan sikit sebanyak akan jadikan iman org yg baik mcm penderma sorang ni, dan moga hubungan ini x stop di sini saja, lagi pun darah dia dah jadi sebahagian darah iman..
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CMV PCR reactivation

Rasa dah dkt 3 bln iman habis treatment transplant, Alhamdulillah berat badan dia pun dah naik sikit.. Nampak lah sikit daging kat pipi dia tuh..rambut pun nampaknya dah lebat, Cuma kat belakang kepala : area yg buat radioterapi still x tumbuh rambut.. katanya kena tunggu setahun jugak sblm rambut tu tumbuh.. kami dok lumur ngan minyak zaiton yg dah dibacakan yasin.. insyaallah, x lama lagi tumbuhlah rambut dia tu.
Walaupun dah habis tapi maintenance wise, iman still kene pi hospital every week utk cek darah for his CMV PCR a.ka. virus. Cuma 2 kali blood result yg CMV PCR dia negative, yang lain semua positif.
Bila sekali positive, once a week amik darah dia akan masukkan antiviral foscarnet sekali for 4 hours, then bila run test again (btw the test is done in Singapore), still positif, so doctor increasekan dosage jadik 2 kali seminggu.. pastu test lagi still positif,, then doctor increasekan jadi 3 kali seminggu.. nih cek jgnlah positif lagi.. kami yg membawanya ke hospital pun dah letih, inikan iman, dia asyik tanya sampai bila nak cucuk masuk ubat.. we all cakaplah sampai virus dlm bdn iman x ada.. virus tu suka sgt kat iman, tu sbb iman kena makan byk, dia senyaplah lepas tuh..
time amik darah tu memang meraunglah, vein dia plak lepas kemo memang makin kecik, lagiklah bila kena amik darah every week..lagilah teruk.. smlm masa amik darah kena cucuk 2 kali, tukar jarum paling kecik pun still x kuar darah gak.. meraung dia kata sakit.. sian sgt.. tapi nak wat mcm mana, air mata nih memang nak mengalir laju je lah tapi kena tahan gak sbb x nak dia jadi weak tgk mak dia lemau mcm tuh… uwhaaa..
Iman pun dah 2 kali ke As Syifa Al Hidayah ngan ustaz lokman kat Gombak..luckily saya dah dapat prorate cuti.. so bolehlah bwk dia pi sana.. so ustaz kata imannya sel kanser dah jadi dormant, dan utk matikan full sel kanser nih hanya boleh melalui bacaan ayat al Quran. Kami percaya, semua penyakit kecuali mati ada penyembuhnya di dalam al quran. So ustaz lokman kata utk elak sel yg tgh tido nih terjaga ada 4 benda kene monitor
a)      Balance diet – including no red meat
b)      No stress
c)       Plenty of rest
d)      Exercise – main tu kire aktiviti exercise gakkan
 Insyaallah kami akan teruskan usaha ni sampai bila2. Doakan iman terus sihat. 

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Selamat Ulang Tahun Iman

Alhamdulillah, syukur kepada-Mu ya Allah kerana memberi kami peluang ini. Peluang utk melihat iman menyambut ulang tahun yg ke 6. Umur dia masih panjang dan untuk itu kami sujud syukur utk segala nikmat dan kebesaran-Mu ini ya Allah.

Insyaallah, kami akan mengadakan majlis doa selamat kesyukuran pada hari sabtu ini (29hb) sbg tanda kesyukuran kami dan sbg tanda penghargaan kepada keluarga dan rakan2 yg sentiasa memberikan positive support to us, non stop.

Doakan kesihatan iman yg berpanjangan, moga dia bebas kanser utk selama2nya.

Utk yg mengenali kami, sudi2kan hadir ke majlis tersebut. Do contact me @ fiza2012@gmail.com for detail address.
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standard one


Last 2 week iman undergo some hearing aid test at SJMC. Yes iman need to use hearing aid cos his hearing deteriorated; side effect of the chemo treatment. This time we have to pay on our own cos the hearing aid cost is not covered by my husband’s medical benefit. We’ll find other means for this definitely..
Ok back to this topic. The audiologist suggested us to check with iman’s school whether they accept child with this kind of disability. After explaining of iman’s condition the school staff passed the telephone to the headmistress. To my shocking, she tell me to find better school means with lesser pupils per class, her concern is that that the teacher assigned to the class won’t be able to focus on Iman. I said iman won’t need extra attention because he is just like normal kids. He can have normal conversation, it just that he is using hearing aid to assist him to listen to certain pronunciation.
Well, after so much argument, she said I know my son better.. so it is up to me to pick the best school for my son. I u/stand the school must have certain standard to attain. Some kind of KPI to make sure they achieve certain passing rate etc. Apart of achieving the KPI, i wonder how about teacher's responsibility to educate the children. No matter how hard it will be. What makes me so sad is that she kinda reluctant to accept him without seeing him first. He is really bright boy and very gifted too.
We cant send him to special school cos he can speak like normal people do and if he learn special language, the audiologist said iman will eventually loose his capability to speak. Please understand his condition. This is not something he wanted.
As preparation iman is learning twice a week; home tuition. Next week he'll start his agama class. Iman will shine, as what his tuition teacher said, he's very determine to learn and very obidient.. I know he'll prove to others he can do it.

Uncle dan auntie semua doakan iman ye

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Beginning of new chapter

Alhamdulillah, saya dah start keje balik selepas hari raya. Rasa sedih nak tinggalkan budak2 di rumah, sedih macam mana makanan budak2 nanti, macam mana dgn susu mereka semua, sapa nak monitor derang wat keje sekolah (walau derang x pi sekolah. hehe), kalau ibu yg menjaga mungkin makan dan pakai akan lebih terjaga. Tapi nak buat mcm mana, kena cari rezki utk mereka jugak. Pulak tu dgn bibik yg baru (temporary utk 3 bulan saja sampai mid Nov), belum biasa lagi. HAti tu rasa berat sangat, tapi terpaksa gagahkan jugak. Bibik lama saya akan balik sini balik awal bulan 10 nih, lega den.
Nasib baik adik saya yg bercuti (USIM undergrad) sanggup utk tgk2 kan budak2 di rumah utk seminggu sebelum dia mula kuliah balik. Anak2 saya diserang muntah2 x berenti, sorang demi sorang kena. Mula2 fahmi, then adik, then iman, then saya dan last sekali husband. Mungkin betul virus sbb sepupu2 kat kampong pun di serang muntah2 jugak.Nasib baik bibik x kena. Dan ada hikmahnya adik ada di rumah that whole week utk monitor. Bersyukur sbb muntah2 nih x menyebabkan demam, kalau imam demam kena admit hospital pulak.
Makanya routine memasak di waktu pagi bermula kembali..seawal 4.30 pagi saya akan bangun utk masakkan lauk dan b/fast  utk budak2. Memang penat, tapi rasa puas dpt masakkan s/thing utk diorang, at least I give something in replacement of I’m not being at home –  ada jugak time bila saya balik opis iman peluk saya.. 'sedapnya ibu masak'.. jadi hati nih berbunga utk memasak utk derang plus ibu memasak dgn penuh kasih sayang tau.. (Hazie: aku cedok ayat ko, hehe)..
Sangat bersyukurnya saya sbb so far ni saya x bermasalah utk balik awal, mungkin once in a while kena stay back, acceptable for me sbb requirement keja utk siapkan audit report, dah nama pun keje tapi most of the time boleh balik on time..
Iman sgt happy di rumah, every saturday kene pi hospital utk msk antiviral, nak psg alat tu yg payah..tapi saya tahu dia kuat.. dia dah tumbuh rambut sikit, tapi rambut dia nipis2, harap sgt rambut dia tumbuh full utk cover dia punya shunt, so that dia x adalar kena menjawab dgn kawan2 di sekolah nanti. 
Happy kat kg sambut raye.. hooray



my really really big family, my family theme red color, credit to kimi's office mate for sponsoring the kids' baju raye



our stay at Royale Chulan, mana fahmi nih.. aghhh he is back in the toilet again... buat site visit


Pun tgh dlm proses utk dptkan tuitor utk iman dan adik, as preparation before iman naik standard 1, dan adik; kindergarten, last week tuitor tu berkenal-kenalan dulu dgn budak2 nih. Adik seems eager to meet her, Cuma iman nih bermasalah sikit sbb diakan pemalu..tgk nanti macam mana, kene pujuk dia..
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catheter iman jadi rumah bakteria

turn out catheter iman dah jadi rumah utk bakteria, bakteria to from various sources, environment, food and etc. 3 kali buat wat blood culture bakteria tu masih ada. Doktor lin very certain yg catheter iman ada bakteria tu. So last saturday buat prosedur to remove the catheter.. caranya doktor kena tarik keluar dari badan dia.. seram bila dengar tapi terpaksa jugak buat kan.. tapi doktor bagi sedatif to make him sleeps thru out the procedure.

Problem arise bila nak ambik darah lar nanti utk buat blood test, atau nak infuse any medicine.. semua kena cucuk.. tu yg masalah.. iman memang phobia kalau bab cucuk2 nih.. last monday doctor wat cek darah terpaksa buat finger prick,, itupun habis kami dicubitnya.. di tendang.. kena banyak sabar sbb dia pun mesti sakit kan,..

Blood result shows good recovery of his white cell and platelet.. white cell dah normal and platelet dah naik 130 from 35.. yahhoo.. seronok betul.. doktor kata platelet dia lambat normal dulu sbb ada bakteria kat catheter tu lar. Cuma doktor worried about residual bakteria in his body  tho he's already on antibiotik, so this saturday akan ada msk ubat lagi.. mintak2 ok lar dia nak kena cucuk nanti.. erm
x kisah lar kan asalkan iman sihat.. kena pujuk lar lepas tuh..

Disempatan ni saya nak amik kesempatan ni utk memohon maaf jika ada salah dan silap saya dan moga Allah pelihara amalan kita di bulan2 yang mendatang.

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Rezeki yang tidak putus

Sesungguhnya apabila diduga dgn ujian ini, kami berserah pada Allah dengan caturanNya. Alhamdulillah, syukur ku panjatkan kerana rezeki kami tidak pernah putus. Segala2nya telah di atur olehNya.

Dah 7 bln saya x bekeja duduk plak di KL ni kalau sorang je yg bekeja memang payah. We foresee we'll face financial problem eventually,, tapi alhamdulillah rezeki kami masih murah. Kami masih mampu makan apa yg kami ingini. Allah mudahkan jalan kami.

Macam persiapan raya, kami x pernah fikir sangat kerana sibuk di hospital, tapi Alhamdulillah  rezeki anak2, baju melayu derang dah di'sponsor' oleh officemate husband. Pastu family ada yg sponsor baju2 lain. Baju saya kakak dan adik2 ada sponsor.. kuih raya kakak bagi.. so basicly everything is well taken off. Itular percaturan Allah. Dia lebih tahu dan moga kebaikan yg diberikan oleh keluarga dan kawan2 akan dibalas dengan pahala di berganda di 'sana' nanti.
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Anakku Brain Tumor

saya baru habis baca buku anakku brain tumour (thanks to my fren azira for lending me this book). The writer adalah isteri kepada anggota kumpulan nasyid raihan. Anaknya pun ada brain tumour / cancer. Simptom2 yg dihadapi oleh anaknya more or less sama dgn iman. bermula dgn pening, muntah2.. bila ingat balik semua tuh seram sejuk satu badan memikirkan kesakitan yg telah ditanggung oleh iman, budak2 yg tak tahu apa2 lagi.

Perasaan bile diberitakan anak ada tumour sungguh menyayat hati.. umpama satu batu besar menghempap kepala dan badan kami.. ingatan itu akan sentiasa subur dlm diri kami, ingatan itu buat kami tersedar betapa besarnya kekuasa Allah.. yang menjadikan kesakitan dan menjadikan penyembuh dlm pelbagai bentuk.

Dlm buku nih, anaknya Baihaqi selamat menjalani pembedahan shunt untuk reduce pressure dlm otak akibat terlampau byk cecair dlm kepala. Namun Baihaqi tidak menjalani pembedahan yg kedua, yg paling major utk membuang tumour dlm otaknya. Both of the parent nekad utk membuat rawatan alternatif selepas hati mereka berat utk tidak proceed dgn operation like 2-3 hrs before operation.

Sesungguhnya kuasa allah mengatasi segala-galanya, be it modern or alternatif, kuasa utk menyembuh adalah milik-Nya. Berkat doa dan ayat2 al Quran, pelbagai ubatan alternatif dan penjagaan pemakanan yg jitu, Baihaqi kembali normal. Alhamdulillah ku panjatkan doa moga Baihaqi sihat utk selama-lamanya.

Di dlm buku ini byk amalan2 doa, ayat2 al quran dan list makanan yg elok utk pesakit kanser utk di amalkan. Sangat berguna utk yang tercari2 amalan yg sesuai utk anak yang kurang sihat, not necessary cancer. Panduan solat pun ada, all in all a very good book to read.
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back to hospital

batuk si fahmi anak yg bongsu dah berlarutan since 3 weeks.. kali ni makin teruk demam x kebah2 and ada bunyi kat dada dia.. bwk pergi hospital kena admit lar.. Vein dia too small so doctor x blh msk ubat ikut tiub.. kena inject.. terpekik melolong si kecik ni.. tapi dlm sakit2 tu masih melasak jugak,  dgn x ada maid nih memang kelam kabut,, nasib baik mak dr kg boleh tolong tgk2 faris kat umah..

x lama lepas si kecik admit,, iman plak demam.. shoot terus 40 degrees.. sbb imun very low dia mudah dpt jangkitan.. lepas bagi ubat demam turun jugak sikit,, tgh malam tu naik balik 39 degrees, memang kena admit lar. Doktor memang dah bagitahu kalau exceed 38 kena msk ward..

Apparently ada 3 bugs dlm darah iman.. ada 1 tuh vey nasty kalau lambat bawak memang his health will be at risk. Alhamdulillah husband bwk cepat.. after so much persuasion ngan doktor dptlar dia sebilik ngan adik dia.. lega.. kalau x kejap lari bilik iman dan bilik sikecik.. Lepas 4 hari sikecik blh keluar tinggal lar iman sorang, mengalir air mata dia bile dia dgr doktor kata he has to be here for at least a week.. sian dia

as of now demam dia belum kebah lagi.. range 39 to 40 degrees.. doktor dah start bagi antibiotik yg kuat sikit. Tolong doakan dia cepat pulih.. sian dia nak main bunga api x puas lagi,, asyik terkurung kat sini.. nampak dia letih sgt.. sian anak ibu ni

Lepas nih kene lagi beware psl pemakanan.. persekitaran semua.. iman akan cpt kena jangkitan.. esp highly spreadable deseases mcm chickenpox.. moga x ada lagi jangkitan lepas ni,, Amin



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Ibu dah baca doa naik kenderaan x?

3 minggu sudah kereta yg saya drive accident timea nak parking kereta utk ke klinik waktu tu. Waktu tu bawak si kecik dan faris utk follow up batuk derang x baik2.. husband waktu tu jaga iman kat spital lagi.. memang nak pitam rasanya jadi benda macam nih.

Time nak parking tu lar dek ada gangguan,, fahmi memang jenis x duduk diam.. alar nama pun bebdk. 1st time bwk se kecik dan dia memang x duduk kat car seat (totally my fault),, pikir sbb dekat aje and car seat waktu tu x adjust lagi.. patutlar time nak pergi tuh rasa x sedap hati.. Langgar tepi kereta sebelah dan depan langgar dinding.. Whatever reason lepas nih memang kene pakai car seat..

Ramai yg datang tolong and hantar kereta balik rumah, then friend husband tolong arrangekan dengan workshop and negotiate best price utk repair.. Terima kasih sgt sbb tolong kami moga allah balas jasa uol. kiranya dorang arrangekan semua.. terima kasih yang tak terhingga dari kami.

Few days later bile iman dah balik dari hospital iman tanya psl apa accident,, ibu x baca doa naik kenderaan ye.. gulp tergamam sekejap.. sib baik ibu baca doa tu, alhamdulillah adik dan fahmi x ada apa2. mungkin kalau x baca doa akan jadi lebih teruk. Alhamdulillah syukur x ada jadi apa2.. Dugaan datang menjengah lagi, moga kami diberikan kesabaran dan ketabahan utk hadapi dugaan-Mu ini.

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Syukur kepada-Mu Ya Allah

Iman discaj smlm, alhamdulillah.. dapatlar kami berbuka bersama utk 1st day ramadhan.. keberkatan ramadhan, kami dapat berkumpul semula.. walau kena ulang ke hospital utk cek darah and masuk platelet.. at least semua ada di rumah.. Syukur tak terhingga pada-Mu Ya Allah. Sunyinya x ada iman, x ada suami di rumah.. walau ada budak dua org nih tapi rasa  kosong je..

Iman dah okay sikit,, sakit perut dan lenguh2 tuh dah berkurangan. Rasa mood di rumah lebih menggembirakan dia.. tenguk keletah adik2.. tergelak2 dia.. hehe,, moga kegembiraan ini akan membuat dia cepat sembuh.

It's very tiring kat umah jaga anak2 nih dgn x ada bibik.. agen saya masih lagi gagal utk supply bibik yg elok utk kami.. yg latest lari dari  umah.. smlm dia lari.. masa dtg umah saya cek beg dia saya jumpa rokok. Nasib baik saya cek.. kalau idak sampai ke sudah x tahu. Of cos lar dia x mengaku.. kata kawan dia punya.. ntah lar bulan posa nih maleh nak gaduh2.. nasib baik jugak dia lari masa saya di rumah.. seribu mcm kisah kalau citer psl bibik nih.. boleh buat buku cerita hikayat seribu satu malam.. haha

Dan satu lagi berita gembira, saya dah dapat kerja yg saya idamkan.. Alhamdulillah.. Perks dia pun not bad. So gembira sgt, kalau x ada apa2 lepas raya start kerja. Moga dgn pekerjaan ini saya akan jadi isteri, ibu dan insan yang lebih baik. Moga Allah pelihara diriku dan melimpahkan rahmah-Nya selalu kepadaku seluruh keluarga.

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Mudahnya air mata nih mengalir

Syukur ku panjatkan iman almost completes all treatment, arini ada msk darah, smlm platelet.. everyday ada injection.. dan biasanya hari ke-6 after transplant ada 1 ubat kemo. Alhamdulillah semua ok. Dan harini white cell dia 0.0. Langsung x ada askar utk melawan penyakit. Paling rendah. Selalu (the 1st 3 cycles) the lowest is 0.1. Tak jauh beza sangat pun kan sebenarnya, dan based on records, his imun will increase starting day 8, which will be this saturday. X sabar rasanya menunggu.

Separuh beban hati nih dah kurang bila iman dah almost complete his kemo cycle. Tapi anak no. 2 saya pulak yang tgh sedih2, meraung sbb rindu yg teramat dkt ibu dan of cos sgt nak jumpa abang dia iman.. Abnag yang jadi teman bercakap, bermain.. tido sama2.. I have to leave them dgn my sister sbb saya ada masalah dgn maid yg baru. Malam2 dia menangis teresak2 rindu kat kami..  dah 10 hari kami x jumpa. Terpaksa sbb iman lebih memerlukan saya di hospital. Husband busy with his works even during weekend.
Adik tunggu depan pintu seperti menunggu kepulangan kami. And when i called him yesterday, memang dia meraung sekuat hati. Hati ibu mana yang boleh tahan x dpt peluk anak and console him.
He only stop crying lepas i make a promise that i'll be back in 2 days. If my new maid arrives lar. Harap sgt dapat maid secepat mungkin. Senang sikit nak ulang alik kalau dok umah sendiri. Berdoa moga semuanya as plan.

Rasa x kuat sgt.. i keluar dari bilik (nasib baik husband dah balik dr opis) dan meraung sekuat hati kat lobby hospital.. terima kasih kawan2 yg mendoakan semua urusan saya dipermudahkan, dan memberikan kata2 semangat. Cuma dapat bertasbih pada -Mu ya Allah.. moga dgn ini,  gelisah hati ku ini dapat dikurangkan.

This week i got to know this blog http://miera301.blogspot.com/2011/07/update-norma.html specially dedicated for her sis in law Norma who has similar cancer as iman. Resection dan buat, radio pun sudah half way. Sungguh hebat dugaan yang ditimpakan ke atas norma sekeluarga. Baby norma baru 2 bln masa she was diagnose with brain cancer, stage 4. Air mata nih x berhenti mengalir bila memikir beratnya dugaan mereka. Mohon war2kan pd yang lain dan bantulah norma semampunya, moga dgn bantuan kalian dapat meringankan beban mereka dan moga Allah meringankan beban kita pula nanti sama ada di dunia atau di akhirat.

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Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, i am offerred a job. It's really a good offer considering the fact that i'm not working now, they are willing to wait until my son's treatment completes. In fact they agree to extend the commencement date after raya i.e. in September. The perks are really good. I mean they are offering almost 30% from my previous salary. But now with what happened, salary is not my main concern.

What i'm looking for is flexibility for my family especially after what we had gone through. I dont want to be drift away from my family. There are so much things to do, so much lacking in my life.  
Alhamdulillah although we learnt the hard way, we are given this opportunity, Allah still loves us and give us another chance.

I'm still looking for better opportunity. I havent make up my mind. May Allah give me guidance to the best interest of my family.

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Berkampung di wad

Dah dkt 10 hari kami berkampung di hospital for iman final cycle of transplant. Chemo dah settle, infusion of stem cell pun dah sudah.. so skrg masih menunggu imun dan platelet dia kembali normal. As of today platelet dia 0.5 (normal 4.0) dan platelet 13 (normal 150).

As usual, we have to wait at least 2 weeks before everything goes back normal. Perkiraan kami before ramadhan bermula iman boleh discaj, itupun kalau exactly 2 weeks dah baik. Memang berdoa dapat sambut ramadhan di rumah, dgn anak2,, sebagai sebuah family yg sempurna. Dah lama sgt rasanya kami berjauhan. Anak2 kat kampung pun asyik x sihat, ubat2 pun katanya dah habis.. perasaan rindu pada adik dan fahmi memang x boleh cerita.. rindu dgn keletah adik, dan fahmi jgn lar sampai putus susu ibu pulak ye. Ibu dah buat byk bekal kat spital nih..

Iman pun x mengamuk bile nak di beri injection, sbb saya dah janji bila ramadhan kita balik umah, kita boleh beli bunga api byk2.. nampaknya sangatlar berkesan.. dia x menangis langsung.. dia kata dia dah kuat sbb dia nak balik cepat.. rindu kat adik2,, nak main bunga api sama2 kat kampung. dan terus bergenang air mata dia.. dia jadi lebih sensitif sekarang nih, bukan sikit.. memang sgt sensitif.. bila kekadang dgr dia berdoa,, dia sembunyikan air mata dia,,  dia menyorok dia bawah selimut. Moga dia jadi anak yg lebih tabah.

Iman demam masa awal2 kemo tuh,, he is still on antibiotik,, plus doktor dah bagi satu ubat anti fungus.. satu botol tu harganya $4k.. utk elak jangkitan.. mak ai, mahal benor, alhamdulillah lar dia dah x demam.. bahaya gak kalau demam nih kan especially bile imun bdn dia zero.

Nih dia baru mengadu dgr ringing dkt telinga dia sblh kanan,, makin worse ke? x sabar nak suh dia buat hearing test. Tunggu apa kata doktor esok.
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Maid o maid

Dah kali ke-5 kami bertukar maid, 4 dari ke kemboja dan yg baru nih from indonesia. Semua x serasi dgn kami and anak2, yg last nih because dia ada masalah kesihatan.. but we only knew it until the very last day of sending my old maid back to indonesia.

Kami terpaksa menghantar budak2 ke kampung (di jaga oleh ksal - my eldest sister), luckily my mum and my other sister also live nearby, at least faris dan fahmi x rasa sangat ditinggalkan selama 3 minggu tanpa ibu dan ayah. We set our priority, iman is our priority. kadang ada jugak penah bibik lama cerita yg adik mengadu x ada orang jaga adik, x ada orang sayang adik.. memang kesian nak tinggalkan derang tapi what choice do we have.

I really trust my elder sister can take care of my kids, better than me i think, she single handedly managed her kids of 4 without any maid,  her kids are also obidient too. I think she is such an extraordinary person cos she really loves to help people, anybody especially her siblings, she is vocal and has lots of ideas, definitely someone to talk to if you're in trouble. I call ksal and apparently both of my kids are doing fine at her home. Fahmi cried at first but eventually he's ok. We had less to worry then.

So we are now back in the hospital, hope iman okay for this last cycle.

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MRI experience

Semalam iman ada MRI, this is his 5th. Biasa 4-5 hrs before the procedure, memang dia kena berpuasa,, since dia ada hearing test, eco and ecg prior to mri so the whole day his schedule was really occupied, he was not so cranky not being able to eat..

This time iman refused to take sedative, so we thought why not we try without it, lagipun the perious mri, sedatives given wasnt really work on him,, he couldnt sleep during the whole proces.



Definitely he was uncomfortable of being alone inside the hole altho i was sitting besides him,  with that loud noise he become so scared, but still he didnt scream,, but i could see clearly his tears running.. i'm so lucky, he is such a strong boy,, he had the courage to be in that machine,  the machine which can identify the state of his brain and spine.. am i not grateful?? yes indeed i am so lucky to be given this very strong boy in my life, the boy chosen by Allah to have brain cancer.. Seeing him so afraid really breaks my heart cos i cant help him go through that process. I could only holds his legs, just to comfort him but it didnt help that much.

Through out the procedure, my heart keep pounding quickly anxious to know the outcome of the mri, Alhamdulillah everything seems ok, but we still need to wait for the actual result this monday of which he needs to be warded for his final cycle. Hope, really hope he wont feel so much pain for this last cycle.


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Breakdown

Last nite, I bring faris to meet doctor for a check up cos he keeps complaining of stomach pain.  The doctor said his tummy contained so many air, so the doctor gave him some med to reduce the pain.
Then the doctor asked how am I doing dealing with iman’s condition? How about my husband? I said my husband coping it very well compared to me.  It is very tough, but I am a lot better than during the earlier diagnosis.  The doctor said that I looked different, he can tell by looking at my face. I said this incident changed me.  He said I look calmer and stronger than before. This doctor is just like our family doctor. His clinic is located like 500 meter from our house. He knows all our family member including my maid.. hehe..
Now I become more cautious if my sons get sick. I have this feeling, anxiety that my other sons also having similar disease. All those worrying thoughts.  If only I can make it go away.  The doctor advises me to stop thinking negative, the worse thing in your life had already happened, life couldn’t get worse than that. He said I must be strong,, if my son can really deal with it, I as his guardian should be stronger, for his sake. He said brain cancer is not happen due to genetically reason. 
My tears finally breaks free, I said dealing with surrounding people who sometimes don’t really understand what we're dealing is the hardest part. It’s really tough..But I have to go through it. I told the doctor there were people who  told me that the radiotherapy will shrink his brain. How am I supposed to react to that? He’s my son, of course whatever I do is the best for him.  Getting the news that your son is having cancer from the doctor is our worst nightmare , but yet people dare to speak that harsh word to me. Just to drag us futher down. Of course I didn’t response to that, i silent my tongue cos I don’t want to hurt anyone.  Thank s doctor cos you willing to hear my voice this very nite.
I ignored negatives thoughts from others, they can say what they want but it won’t shakes me,, not now. I have to pick and choose friends even my own relatives who really do understand,  somehow  I really not in the mood to meet people cos I don’t want to be influenced negatively by them.  For my friends and relatives who really understand, thank you so much..  I certainly love u all.
By the way Iman was discharged exactly 14 days after transplant of stem cell. It’s quite fast. Which is good cos I really miss adik and fahmi. Iman is doing really well the doctor said.  Ibu and everyone else who loves iman will continue our prayers for your full recovery ok.
As for me I’m waiting for a good news to pop out, insyaallah.. Hope everything on my side, Amin.
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Parents support group

When dealing with cancer, it is really important we mingle around with people who are also facing same diseases. We can share our experiences, our thought. Real life information compared to information available from google. In chemo day care SDMC for instance is a great place to meet people with the cancer related ailment. How the diseases started, what treatment they are currently on. Somehow it can reduce our anxiety and be prepared with the side effect of the chemo treatment either temporarily / permanent. At least we know that we are not alone fighting.

The other day, SDMC arrange parents support group and invited few parents with various types of cancer from leukimia to other solid tumour.  I joined cos i want to share my feelings.  I cried when i heard their side of stories. Everybody have their tough time.

There were breakdown moments, one of the parent admitted that she almost commit suicide, cos she cant bare the fact that his son is having cancer, but eventually she came to her senses that she needs to be strong for her son.

We shares knowledge on how it started, what challenges we faced. Each chemo med has its own side effect, extreme side up to having diabetes and have to be dependant on insulin, having LP is like taking normal jab.. it's really tough..

Among the particpants includes 2 parents whose childs already completed the course of treatment. They brought their childs along. They look perfectly healthy and brilliant too.. Exactly like iman, except that iman is skinny now.. They said that it is really essential that we, as a parent to be strong for our kids, ignore all negative thoughts and focus on the kids, to support them, be with them. I seriously want to be like them, to be strong,, may Allah give strength to me to face this challenge.

They said once it all over, when they look back on what they had gone through, they smile cos they survive the hard time and every moment was a very sweet memory. Turning bad experience into sweet memory would be very challenging. I will and i must make this journey as sweet as possible, insyaallah.

2 hrs sessions seems not enough. We ended the session by sharing our positive thought so it can boost everyones' spirit. hope they can organise such program soon.
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iman ok cikit this cycle

alhamdulillah dah selamat masuk ubat kemo 3 days in a row,, x teruk sgt sbb at least dia blh makan sikit2.. compared to dulu - 5 days straight x makan,, nih dia blh bgn,, blh wat keje sekolah, blh gelak.. bila tgk dia mcm tuh, hati nih x ada lar rasa sedih sgt.. Alhamdulillah sgt2

ada few times jgk bila nampak nurse bwk msk ubat kemo tuh, nampak muka dia takut,, dia suruh peluk,, maybe dia tahu,, dia akan sakit lepas masuk ubat, cant imagine the pains he has to deal,, moga dia kuat, i know he's strong,, cuma kalau lar ada cara utk kurangkan sakit tuh,, mcm mana ye.. ibu boleh berdoa je iman..

esok akan rest 1 day b4 infusion of his stem cell,, moga2 semuanya berjalan lancar.

harini adik2 dia ada datang, memang nampak kegembiraan dia, kalau x asyik monyok je. pagi tadi nak lap badan dia (sbb routine kene lap bdn dgn ubat nih utk elak infection), dia dah mengamuk, bila adik dia dtg terus change mood.. dlm hati lega.. adik2 pun boleh tgk dari luar je, sempat lar fahmi (my last baby) main nyorok2 ngan iman.. iman kat dlm,, fahmi kat luar.. sekejap je pun kat spital, x sampai 1/2 jam,, dpt lar breastfeed dia kejap,, jadik lar lepas rindu nih.. nak lama2 pun takut lar ganggu org yg sakit..

adik plak duduk luar diam2 sbb dok melayan psp abang iman,, pastu bibik ada lar mengadu yang adik ada bebel2 kat umah ms mamai2 nak tido.. "x ada org tgk adik, x ada org jaga adik, ibu x ada, ayah  x ada".. alar siannya anak ibu.

kalau saya nak balik umah waktu malam (lepas iman tido), bdk2 dah tido, early morning the next day nak rush gi hospital (definitely b4 iman wakes up, kalau x mengamuk dia nanti), so end up cant spend time with them.. x apa lar susah2 sikit..  kene sacrifies sikit.. i hope one day he'll understand..
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permulaan 3rd cycle

semalam iman kena masuk ward utk 3rd cycle of transplant.. procedure LP nampaknya okay - crystal clear, tapi test result belum ada lagi. Mudahan2 ok.

Harini start kemo - kick off with carboplatin (substitute for cisplatin), doctor said he cant used cisplat anymore cos iman's hearing already affected from the previous 2 transplants. Takut it getting worse if they proceed with that drugs.

Sedih memang sedih, bila doktor bgtahu it could be permanent, tapi saya kene redha,, iman milik allah, kita semua milik allah, the fact that he's still with me, alhamdulillah x terhingga pada-Mu ya Allah.

Saya perlu lapangkan dada, kata2 negatif org x perlu ambik port, we cant change them,, but we can change ourself,, Sekiranya kita berserah sepenuhnya pada Allah, insyaallah Dia akan lapang hatikan kita seluas-luasnya. Setiap org akan menghadapi dugaan dlm hidup, It doesnt matter whether big or small,, like it or not we have to face it, how we tackle it is what matter most, hopefully it can make us a better person.

Takziah to my uni mate, Suffian Affendi yg kehilangan isteri (also my uni mate - Zalinda Zainuddin), anak perempuannya (Aisyah), ayah dan ibu mentuanya di dlm kemalangan di Kuala Kangsar smlm. Moga roh2 mereka ditempatkan di kalangan org2 yg beriman. Ampunilah dosa2 mereka dan permudahkan urusan mereka Ya Allah.. Moga Pian tabah menghadapi dugaan ini dan moga anak bongsu mereka (was informed still in ICU) kembali sihat.. Amin.
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double joys

tomorrow birthday my husband, but i have something to do tomorrow (probably takes the whole day), so we r celebrating his birthday in advance (arini).. in conjuction with mth of june, we are celebrating father's day also, takut lar nanti x sempat nak celebrate sebab iman dah nak masuk spital utk 3rd cycle.

I cooked soto for him, muffin and cake (if u consider kek batik as a cake,, haha),, i bought ice cream vianetta as replacement of cake,, boleh potong gak kan.. memang x pandai lar wat kek sampai sekarang,, tension betul..

pandan muffin,, sedap sikit lar kali nih,, hehehe



bergedel (btl ke ejaan nya) yg dah tinggal sikit.. means sedap lar tuh kan..haha, perasan


iman dah siapkan his personalised card, love shapes showing how much he loves his dad, he put the card inside a paper bag together with a gift (mak dia tolong sponsor le kan.. ) unfair kalau adik x participate,, so adik pun ada wat card jugak, so kene lar beli 2 hadiah, one from iman and one from adik, fahmi plak... erm bagi hugs and kisses cukup lar ye..


iman's special card for ayah


 
kad dari adik, it's actually picture of a house, so colorful kan!


saya pun ada wat kad jugak.. hehehe,, tada

En Kimi, u r voted for this category..



En Kimi, happy birthday, semoga panjang umur dan di murahkan rezki, dan yg paling penting hidup diberkati allah selalu supaya dapat memimpin kami ke jalan yg diredhai.
thank you for being a good father to the kids, - so loving and patience. Happy father's day. u r definitely one great father.
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kemo treatment postponed

Supposed 3rd trasnplant was on 2nd june, but they have to postpone it cos iman's white blood cell was low.  0.1.. too low

the doctor injected him with niprogen to boost his immune.. he cried so loud since he didnt expect that at all.. we also thought his immune already back to normal.. the other nite we bring him to pasar malam.. adush.. luckily he's okay..

as always after each injection he kicked and pinched us..i tried to calm him down but it didnt work.. he get angrier after we tried to console him,, i tried to stay away from him but he chased me.. Adoi lar iman.. another 5 injections to go.. we did asked the doctor to give lower dose but the doctor dont want to take any chances, next week iman shld go for the 3rd transplant! cant postponed any longer..

so during this 1 week rest, i get the opportunity to monitor the contractor who did some renovation of my toilet..
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bulan yg penuh keberkatan

sori dah lama sangat x update my latest status on my blog.. tersangat lar busy and if i'm free the boys pun nak jugak catch up with new online games.. they got the priority card.. ermm

though iman cuti (from transplant protocol), he still need to get several chemo med from the hospital, not warded but in the day care itself (special for cancer patient)..few times pergi hospital tapi x boleh proceed dgn kemo sbb his imun too low,, so kena cucuk dgn imun booster (Niprogen) - 3 days in a row,, and as always he was on his tantrum.. when i asked why he was so angry.. sakit,, kalau x iman x mengamuk,,

we dont have any option, nak kasi iman baik,, semua ni nak bagi iman baik,, i hold him tight as he cried so loud,, i want him to u/stand that we love him so much.. that all medication,, all supplemnets just to make him better,, i couldnt do anything except waiting for him to cool down,, he did,, eventually..

But he had a blast weekend when we attended my sister's wedding (Adah),, dapat main dgn sepupu sepapat semua,, jumpa sepupu dia yg paling rapat (danish), dia x dpt main sgt sbb dia x larat,, tapi his cousin can u/stand his condition.. they all surrounded him and started chatting about games and then playing cards.. he looks really happy,, suka sgt tgk dia happy walaupun muka nampak penat..  

My sister's wedding memang comel with pinky theme.. thanks to my multi talented sister (k yang), who decorated her bedroom in sweet pink,, everybody loves it.. i'm so in love with pink now.. hihi.. kakak dia pulak sudah terlebih2.. by the way, my sister adah had during her holiday took care of iman (when iman still a baby b4 arrival of my maid),, iman still close to her, telling her about his day.. erm definitely a special connection, hard to xplain in words, iman mesti ingat jasa bik Adah yang jaga iman dulu ye..

Congratulation to the sweet couple and may allah blessed your life always,, Amin,, marriage is a beautiful journey if we put iman as our driver,, telling me this fact over and over,, and over.. again..

My sister, iman, adik and me (and spongebob...)



dah selamat nikah, iman kepenatan kat sebelah pengantin,,
my other 2 sisters (are-na and ema)



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1 mth break

After almost a week warded now we're back at home.. Alhamdulillah.. but he still need to go to chemo day care for several chemo meds and his foscarnet (anti viral) on wed and friday,, sharing the same space with other chemo patients make me feels i'm not alone,, as long as we follow the protocol given insyaallah everything will be fine,, we're accepting this as a test given to all human being.. to test how we react, how strong we are and may allah give our strength and smooth the whole process. May Allah cure his cancer as victory of this test,, Amin..

Iman had severe hearing loss after the 2nd cycle, he couldnt hear our voice if there are multiple conversations at the same time.. or if the TV is too loud,, i'm still learning of accepting this fact,, but as long as he's with me i'm fully grateful, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah...

Doctor is still working out whether they want to proceed with 1 of chemo med on Iman for the nxt cycle
Doa seorang ibu tiada hijabnya, as a mother i will always pray that he will get back his hearing and hope everything will be on his side,, Amin.. To All Readers i really need your doa for my son MUHAMMAD IMAN FARIHIN bin TAKRIMI,,

Iman really happy at home, better mood and definitely better appetite,, really happy seeing him laughing and playing with his brothers..


Alhamdulillah we have this 1 mth break cos I'm very xcited to attend my sister's big day this very soon,, really sorry cos i was unable to help her in various aspect but my prayer always be with her..


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a week at home

Alhamdulillah, at last we r at home, it has been a week already. Iman was so thrill when the doc said the result of CMV PCR is negative, so he can go back.. big hoorayyy

He will rest for 1 mth before next treatment, but he needs to get injected with chemo med (Vincristine and another drug) this monday and tuesday. The med doc said can sustain him for a mth during the break,, but as and when he fall sick we must bring him direct to hospital.. now we r back in hospital

Iman started having fever yesterday,, he never had fever since discharge, he didnt go out of the house and barely people visit him during last week,, and we wonder where it come from,, fever is an indication something wrong is happening in his body,, the fever didnt really 'go' after each paracetamol intakes,, it keeps coming back rite after the the 4 hrs lapsed,, w/out hesitation we head straight to emergency and yes,, iman needs to be warded.. his total white is higher than a normal person,, they said it could be due to infection.. he's on drip now.. worse still dia meracau2.. erm sian plak tgk dia,,

he lost 2 kilos of the 2nd cycle, he didnt get back his original weight,, not like the 1st cycle.. as much as we force him to eat, make variety of foods,,, he only put on few bites of each food,, i'm not gonna give up.. that's what mother do, wont give up on her kid rite..

not sure whether doc will continue with the chemo tomorrow, wait and see.. as for me now i'm expressing milk for my lil one at home while typing and watching tv..
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Iman x boleh discaj lagi

Yes his immune is back to normal,, today his total white at 7.2, platelet has become independent (2 days straight w/out platelet infusion,, ),, yahhoo.his body is producing his own platelet!!!


During one of platelet infusion, shivering is normal during the process, so he is covering his body with his 'selimut bucuk'


but sadly he just unfit to go home just yet.. erm his CMV PCR came back positive, just like last time,, Most Malaysian have this virus, this virus can attact iman while he has low immune system..

b4 the 2nd cycle kicked off, iman was on Foscanet (the antiviral), they did the CMV PCR test few times and they came back negative, but the latest test came back positive,,, sigh... It must be treated or else it may effect him later on,,

So tomorrow they will start Foscanet on Iman, 3 times a day, maybe for 2-3 days.. Iman already complaining  about wanting to go home, he bored playing snake and ladder, scrabble, plastacine...
he miss his brothers, miss his bicycle, miss his toys,,


playing online games - sesame street



eeewww, i grows moustache!


i myself : miss being home with the whole family,, like we used to,,
and I have big task waiting for me.. to train my new maid.. this is my 4th from kemboja,, hope this will be the last.. pls pray for us,, hope for the best insyaallah

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Ada hikmah di sebalik musibah

Kosmo harini ada citer psl hikmah disebalik musibah dlm bhgn soal jawab agama, nak petik sedikit riwayat muslim berkenaan ini :

"Dan jika sesuatu kesusahan mengenaimu janganlah engkau berkata - jika aku berbuat telah berbuat begini dan begitu, begini dan begitu lar jadinya. Melainkan hendaklah kamu katakan : Allah telah mentakdirkan apa yang ia suka, ia perbuat! "Kerana sesungguhnya perkataan andaikata ... itu memberi peluang kepada syaitan.

Sememangnya terdetik perkataan itu di hati ini selalu,, kalau lar aku tahu iman sakit awal2 lagi mesti dapat elak benda nih,, Andaikata peads kami dapat detect benda nih,,, macam2 lagi... mcm2 terpikir dlm kepala dan suami lar tempat mengadu,,,

i'm so lucky kimi (my beloved hubby) keeps reminding me that thinking about those things cant change anything,, cuma akan buat kita menyalahkan takdir.. dan kita x mungkin dapat mengubah apa yang telah ditentukan, direzekikan kepada kita oleh Allah.. Allah lebih tahu apa yg terbaik utk hamba2nya

Aku bersyukur aku diberi peluang ini dan kimi ada bersama2 mengharungi dugaan ini.. moga semuanya dipermudahkan oleh Allah, Amin 

(to my hubby if u r reading this, i luv u so much and tq for being there)
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White cell engrafting, Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, iman's white cell engrafting on day 7 (from 0 to 0.2),, today his count is 0.9, tho not as good as the 1st cycle (1.1) we are happy cos the the engraftment is happening very fast..

His platelet is still not stable yet, ok after platelet infusion is done and the following day started to drop again.. as of today 3 bags of platelets were infused to him.. same goes to his haemoglobin,, it keeps dropping.. no wonder he looks so pale.. so today he receive another bag of blood (packcell)... all blood (platelet / packcell) must be irridiated prior to each infusion.. 

despite that, doctor expect iman can be discharge as targeted on day 14.. hope for the best,, Insyaallah


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Seharian berhadapan dgn amukan iman

i dont now what or why , but today iman really had a bad mood,, non stop.. tried to console him, but it doesnt worked,, he refuse to drink, dont want to take his meds, dont want to eat..

for today we have all kind of foods,, today i bought him his fav food nasi lemak and mee hoon,, his menu for b/fast was porridge, lunch mee goreng, corn soup and muffin.. dinner my hubby bought some cakes and scones.. all just to make him eat.. but end up we have to eat them all..

taking his meds are the worse part,, he yelled, he screamed.. if only we knew what made him so grumpy.. i threaten if he didnt take his med i'll be going home, so he had to stay with the nurse,, he then take all the medicine but eventually he throw lots of thing, from pillow, his psp, spill some water on the bed, erm.. pls give us patience ya Allah



The chemo has made iman's skin a bit darker, more obvious his fingers..



hope he has better mood tomorrow..


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teruknya kesan 2nd cycle

this time around memang teruk side effect from the kemo which totally different from the 1st cycle.. iman kena diarrhea,, non stop purging esp on 2nd day of kemo,, just imagine no food intake at all,, so what comes out from his body basicly water from his drip i think.. kesian dia.. sampai melecet.. iman memang lemah sbb dia x larat nak bangun.. tapi dia x merengek,, sesekali dia mengadu pening.. we all letak vics utk kurangkan rasa pening tuh,, nampak mcm works.. tapi kena sentiasa lar bubuh..

Iman pn x larat nak bangun plus with 6-7 drips attached to him, susah lar nak ke toilet everytime dia nak pass motion.. dia pakai pampers je lar,, cuma iman nih memang x leh nak sheshe dkt pampers,, so still kena pakai urine bottle utk ensure dia kencing every hour.. lagi pun senang nurse nak cek urine output dia..

satu lagi,, iman dah 3 days in a row x tido,, maybe sebab sakit atau terlampau byk berfikir,, doktor kata it's not due to kemo med.. doktor bagi ubat utk dia tido tapi sbb dia asyik muntah, x works lar ubat tuh.. sian dia x boleh tido.. tgk mcm mana mlm nih,, satu hari nih aku x bagi dia tido.. mcm2 lar buat ngan dia.. main scrabble,, buat homework,, tgk tv, pastu suh dia main game.. walaupun  dia dok komplen psl lenguh2 tangan,, pas urut2 tgn dia.. dia main balik..
hopefully by nite he'll be able to sleep.. so ibu pun boleh tido gak... aku dah ngantuk sgt nih.. tapi pelik mata dia buntang lagi nih haa.. mana lar dia dapat tenaga.. nih dia tgh tgk disney chanel, so boleh godek blog nih


muntah tuh mcm biasa lar,, sbb ubat kemo nih kuat.. tho ada ubat tahan muntah,, dia still muntah gak,, non stop.. memula muntah hijau,, tahu je lar kalau muntah hijau tu kan.. cam masa menagndung.. kalau muntah hijau tu punya lar pedih dada tuh.. tapi lelama keluar ketulan darah.. nurse tuh kata maybe sebab dah luka dlm tuh.. dia asyik muntah je.. risau nya lar hati nih,, kena hari sabtu plak,,doktor dah balik,, lagi lar hati aku nih berdebar2,, sib baik esoknya muntah dia jadi normal balik.. alhamdulillah,, lega betul

satu masalah lagi dia x boleh bau makanan atau bau yg pelik2.. bau sup cendawan pn buat dia muntah.. bau nasik goreng lagi lar... few times gak kitorang bergilir makan kat visitors' room,, kitorang sembur gak perfume,, gantung mcm2 pewangi,, x jalan gak.. dia rasa mual2.. harap2 okay lar lagi few days nih

rawatan nih memang menyakitkan, kita yg melihat nih memang x sanggup lar tgk dia dlm keadaan mcm nih,, dia yg mengalaminya x tahu lar mcm mana..
tapi this is the best treatment,, rawatan ini hanyala method utk sembuhkan dia,, kuasa utk menyembuh hanyalar milik Allah jua,, hanya pada Dia kami panjatkan doa,, moga kanser ini dapat hilang dari bdn iman buat selama-lamanya.. Amin..


 
my 3 heros, 4 actually.. nih gambar ms kt melaka,, lupe na bwk card reader, so x leh nak upload gambar latest.. mayb later k
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stem cell infusion

today is a very big day for iman.. stem cell infusion was done at 10 this morning,, takes 30 minutes to fully infused,, during the infusion he was awake and i can see he's uncomfortable with the whole things.. the machine, the red colored stem cell.. this is the first he watch the whole process.. he slepts during the 1st cycle.. a bit of a shocker cos there are so many strangers in the rooms for this procedure.. yeah.. he's a shy person.. he's uncomfortable with new people around..

But he eventually sleeps due to medicine inserted prior to stem cell..  or because he didnt sleep well last nite, or last 2 nites.. dont know y, not because of the medicine,, doctor said probably cause he thinks a lot, initially we couldnt believe it cos he just a kid,, what he probably think of would be playing 24/7,,
but when we asked him, he said yes,, i think about adik.. sian my little baby.. he miss his brothers.. and that's the only thing he have in mind now.. he wanna go home..

so days ahead are really important.. his wbc, haemoglobin and platelet will be monitored closely..

iman will remind me to pray for him.. ibu arini kita belum doa sama-sama lagi,,,
so my prayers :

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim, we recite al fatihah,, then Ya Allah Ya tuhan ku, Kau maha pengasih dan maha penyayang,, sembuhkan lar penyakit muhammad iman farihin utk selama-lamanya ya Allah, kurangkanlah kesakitan yang akan dialaminya ya Allah, kuranganlah kesan dari rawatan ini ya Allah.. kasihanilah hambamu ini ya Allah.. amin ya rabbal a'lamin
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and the journey continues

Alhamdulillah these few days iman dah boleh main kejar2 dgn adik2 dia.. kalau tidak dia akan terbaring aje.. dia dah x demam lagi.. selalunya at least once a day demam.. but low grade fever ler, highest 38 degrees on last sunday.. risau sbb doctor kata if exceed 37.8 kena admit,, muka dia pucat,, but we take the risk utk x admit cos lagi 2 hari before next treatment,, sian at dia,, bagi dia main puas2 dgn adik2 dia..

risau sgt sbb ramai org visit iman kat umah,, nak kata x blh dtg susah jugak..tapi mmg doktor suruh limit visitor utk elak jangkitan.. though his imun system dah back to normal, he is still vulnerable to infection which can be harmful for his next treatment cycle,, i know how much u cared about iman.. but pls pls do understand of his condition,, i love him too

Today (23/3), iman proceeds with 2nd cycle,, so as usual he had to u/go several tests...  hearing test, ecg and MRI.. ECG and MRI came out ok,, but his hearing ada masalah sikit of which he cant hear high frequency sounds,, i was informed it would be permanent.. unreversable due to chemo medicine calls cisplate.. bergenang air mata.. husband suruh kuat.. aku pergi toilet utk menangis sepuas2nya.. x nak iman tahu... x boleh tido memikirkan benda nih... x sabar tunggu esok utk tanya dkt doctor sendiri

kalau lar boleh transfer all the pain, all the side effect to me.. aku sanggup.. he still young, he wont u/stand what’s happening to him,, if only.. tapi semua nih dah ditakdirkan, segala nikmat yg dikurniakan oleh-Nya boleh diambil semula bila2 masa, semua milik-Nya.. dan aku redha.. sesungguhnya ada khabar gembira utk org2 yg sabar selepas setiap ujian yg diberikan oleh-Mu.. moga kami tergolong dlm kumpulan itu,, berikanlah kekuatan kepada kami utk menghadapi dugaan-Mu ini.. Amin

Untuk anakku iman, ini x ada apa2.. ada orang yg lagi susah.. iman kena kuat ye,, sbb iman sumber kekuatan ibu ye.. ibu akan sentiasa doakan kesembuhan iman..



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Ibu, susah x jaga iman

Gulp,berderau darah..   tetiba plak anak ibu tanya soalan macam nih.. he popped me this question when i was done doing flushing and dressing for his line in his chest.. "X susah, x penat pun,, ibu suka sbb ibu dapat jaga iman".. that was my response..  soalan budak2 memang x boleh nak jangka..

Ada one time, waktu tuh tgh ada zikir arwah ustaz asri kat tv, we all cakap ustaz nih dah meninggal, then dia tanya kenapa.. sbb dah sampai masa Allah panggil dia, tetiba dia tanya bila pulak masa iman.. masa tuh x terkata apa,, cuma air mata je yg bergenang menahan sedih..

Memang x susah jaga iman,, Yes, i admit iman needs xtra attentions sbb dia x sihat, dia cepat penat.. he's moody,, kena byk sabar dalam menjaga dia,, sabar kah aku?.. rasanya aku lar manusia yg paling x sabar dlm dunia nih.. kekadang aku hilang sabar,, cos sometimes i do forget yg iman nih sakit,, lemahnya aku..


Tapi dalam kelemahan aku, aku diberikan anak yang kuat,, iman is really a strong boy,,, he faced so many things from resection, RT, and now chemo.. he can deal with it, why cant i!!!


Aku cetek ilmu ya Allah, dugaanMu ini amat berat, amat sukar,, tidak pernah terfikir oleh ku Ya Allah,, aku percaya ada kebaikan disebalik semua ini yg tidak terjangkau oleh akal fikiran ku,, kau berikanlah kekuatan dan kesabaran pada kami ya Allah..


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End of Cycle 1

Tomorrow iman will be discharged Alhamdulillah exactly after 2 weeks of observation.. he’ll have 1 week break before heading for the next cycle. Sorry i haven’t got the chance to update new n3 during the 2 wks observation.  The past 2 wks were really hard cos my 2 other kids were also unwell,, so my husband and i will take turn to go back and look after them..  plus during those 2 wks, iman needed xtra attention..  

On daily basis they took iman’s blood to test and monitor 3 important things i.e. haemoglobin, platelet and white blood cell (the immune system)..  his wbc turn 0 on 4/3,,  it is  normal due to the chemo,, it will be only worrying, if it doesn’t go down...

Side effect,,, He sleeps 3-4 hours straight during the day which is unusual for him, he didn’t eat much (thanks to protein inserted direct to him) at least can maintain his body weight.. his body aching, he had headache.. he pee every 2 hours.. he had a mood swing.. it really really tested my patience.. arghhh.. may allah give us strengths..
He requires platelet infusion few times in a weeks.. received antibiotic, anti-fungus and antiviral,, all on daily basis.. Iman shivers most of the time after insertion of anti-fungus.. fever is up and down.. he had fever at least once a day.
1st wk of observation,, he looks pale

Now after the 2 weeks the doctor is really impress with iman’s progress.. normally patient’s immune system (white blood cell) only recovers after day 11 onwards but for iman, his white blood cell (wbc) engrafted at day 9,, and it recovers really fast from 0.2 (8/3) to 1.1 the next day (9/3) and today (13/1) his wbc at 10.6,, (wbc for normal people is an average of 4.0 – 11.0). Tho the platelet is still not within the normal range, doctor expect it will take couple of days before it back to normal..

These few days he started working on his work books,, he concentrated  on the book and wanted us to draw star after each pages he did correctly.. what makes us proud he manage to  complete his math book, abc etc tho on and off he had to lay down cos he said he's feeling tired and want to rest before continuing with his work,,  he really strong and determine.. i've learnt so much from him.. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for giving me such a great boy in my life..  

dont disturb me, i'm focussing now


yay yay, i got a star!!!!


Iman may need to come back early if virus checks on his blood came back positive, the result will only available this friday.. hope it's -ve.. The previous checking came out positive, so doctor has prescribed him anti viral insertion thrice a day,, if the coming check up shows +ve result, he needs to be inserted with the anti viral before the next cycle started as a precaution..so really hope for a good news..
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2 weeks observation

The protocol will takes around 4 mths to complete. Each cycle will at least require 3 wks stay in the hospital. 3days for chemo, subsequnetly salvage with stem cell (1 day) and remaining (around 2 wks) for observation..

Now iman is still under observation.. his red blood count, white cell and platelet are dropping drastically,, the doctor says it normal cos effect of the high dose chemo, so iman will received several blood infusion including the platelet from the donors list.. so far he had received 1 bag of red blood,, and scheduled for platelet infusion tomorrow.. thanks to all dear donors who willing to come and donate their platelet for iman..

For the white cells, iman receive 1 jab of imune booster called niprogen (hope the spelling is corrent) once a day,, tho the nurses put some cream to numb the injection area, he still upset after each shot and started to throw things,, the merajuk will continues for few hours,, adush.. and for me i'll quietly sit the furthers part in the room until he cools down..

The doctor advise not have any visitors cos his imune system is low and he can easily get infection from others, we are using face mask, washing our hand regularly to avoid any infection.. sometimes iman asked us to bring his brothers to visit him cos he said he miss them really bad,, so my husband on and off will bring his brothers to the hospital but they will stay outside the room and start talking to each other at a very long distance.. i could see iman looks so depressed cos he is unable to play with his brothers,, being isolated in the room.. the hardest part is when it come time to say good bye.. i could see his eye become watery.. i know he want to kiss his brothers, to hug them,, but he cant do it as for now.. pls pls iman keep it together.. be strong okay..


my 3 musketeers at Desa Waterpark


As for the appetite, it is picking up, 2-days ago he wanted to eat pizza, he eat almost 3 slices which is good acdg to the dietician cos pizza has lots of calories,, the dietician also made strawberry smoothies with icecream on top on daily basis for iman.. he drinks 1/3 and definitely i'm not gonna waste it rite, it really delicious and there goes few kilos on my belly.. aiyakkk..

i'll update the latest status soon,,
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Thanks to all

Alhamdulillah, rezeki iman.. within 4 days (since fri - today) we manage to get 6 donors A+ and 3 donors O+,, To all donors i really appreciate ur kindness and i know i'm gonna be indebtedness thru-out my entire life for all ur help

Thousand thanks to all who spread the news and to those who come and did the screening,
Was informed by the bloodbank that there are alot of potential donor who turn up for screening... i myself received several calls asking about the platelet donation,, to my surprise the contacts were given by people i didnt know, it proves how much people really cares bout Iman tho they didnt even know him or know my family personally.. It really touch my heart.. My son shld be thankfull cos there are so many people love him

Again, i'm on behalf of all my family want to express my greatest gratitute to all generous people out there and may Allah repay ur kindness in any way, Amin
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The chemo side effect is showing

In SJMC, iman is 3rd patient undergoing this protocol..  the other 2 had succeeded,, hopefully the same goes to iman.. insyaallah..

1st day of the kemo is the worse, iman's face turns redish,, he feel dizzy, he vomits and worse he dont have any appetite,, not even for a plain water, luckily the drip is on,,  2nd and 3rd day not so bad, but i notice iman complained of headache and he sleeps all the time..

Iman started having fever on and off during the 1st day of chemo, highest at 39 dgree..the fever subsided after taking PCM... According to doctor it is normal for patient to get fever due to chemo drug.. it happen to the other 2 patients..

due to the fever doctor requetsed for blood culture, the blood culture is used to detremine type of bacteria / virus in the blood as to allow appropriate antibiotic is determine to treat the fever,, after 3 dys the test shows no growth in the blood,,, syukur Alhamdulillah..  but the doctor dont want to take any chance so there goes antibiotic.. luckily it all goes via line in his chest, at least he wont feel so much pain.

We have to wake him up at least every 2 hrs to make him pass urine, iman refused to put the diaper on cos it make him uncomforatble and automatically he cant pass urine,, he must sheshe as frequent as possible cos he must let go any chemical inside his body or else it will have side effect on him

He looks really tired, he cant even hold his fav game,, he asked me to massage his body esp his hands, legs and head.. my tears running as i hold his hand, he's too skinny,, i tried to hold the tears it but it just unstopable.. hope he didnt see it cos i want him to be strong.. we also limit ourself from kissing him cos afraid of any backteria transfer,, but how not to kiss ur son.. ur sick son.. it's just so hard.. ya allah give strength to me and my hubby..

Today is the 4th day he didnt take any food or liquid,, we tried to force him,, we show some pictures of his fav food but it seems he just dont have any feelings on food rite now,, but if this continues, doctors will prescribe some nutrient to be inserted to his cateter,i think better that way rite..

as for the donor, now we have 3 A+ and 3 0+,, we need another 3A+ cos the doctor prefer the same blood type and reserve the 0 donor for emergency only, so i'm really pleading for male donor with A+ blood to come fwd to help my son

i just cant take any picture of iman now,, i will upload picture of him after he recover,, do continue praying for iman okay... gtg
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Please donate platelet to my son

Surprisingly my husband cannot donate to his own son cos his vein is too small.. he seems upset cos he's unable to help his own son in this critical condition .. he's hoping he could be the 1st one to donate the platelet.. i said to him there could be positive things out of this, anything happen with a reason.. we just wait and see things happen..

As for now, we have none in our donor list,, i cant imagine what can happen to iman w/out the platelet,,, we call our frens to spread the news.. insyaallah, i believe there could be a few who will turn up tomorrow,,

but here i am as a mother to my helpless son ,, I'm pleading to all (esp male, age 18-55), pref not a heavy smoker who stay in KL / Subang area with A+ or O+ blood type to come forward to do screening at SJMC tomorrow (8.30 to 12.30) / monday (8.30 to 5.30)

Pls Pls Pls, i really need your help cos my son Iman really need the platelet by mid / end of next week..
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Iman calling for platelet donation, A+ blood type

Iman's kemo (Haematopoietic Stem Cell Transplant Protocol) starts today (24/02/2011) @ 11.30 am, so far iman sleeps most of the time, and by the time he wakes up he refuse to eat or drink..  he started complaining of headache.. kesian sgt dkt dia



This protocol the doctor said just like dropping bomb at iman's body cos iman will receive mutiple kemo medicine at the same time for 3 consecutive days and his immune system will eventually become zero,, then the stem cell harvested earlier (in Dec) will be used as rescuer.. the stem cell will stimulate the development of cell in iman's body. Unlike normal kemo which normally will be given in stages and normally takes around 1-2 years to complete, this protocol only takes around 4 mths i.e. 4 cycles and chances of cancer coming back is lower @ 20%..

However the side effect is much higher cos the chemo dose given is higher,, tho the cell will rebuild via stem cell, it will take some times.. it is expected that iman will receive several platelet donation during 2nd and 3rd week of each cycle.

Doctor already requested us to find at least 6 donors, so far we manage to find 3 including my hubby,, really hope if someone out there with A+ blood type (pref male - cos male blood vein is larger than female), age 18-55, non smoker and live in KL area to do screening @ SDMC,, do contact me @ fiza2012@gmail.com. to arrange for the screening test..

We need to have the list of donors ready by end of the week so that as and when iman's platelet drops to a risky level, the blood bank will call the donor to donate the platelet.. unlike normal blood, platelet only can last 5 days..

Pls pls come to SJMC by end of the week cos iman will require the platelet around end of next weeks

Do pray for iman kay, gtg now
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Chemo treatment kicking up

Shocking news, turn out the recent follow up checking is the day iman need to be warded. He needs to go for the chemo within this week. The blood test shows remarkable result thus the doctor dont want to postpone the next phase The 6 weeks break after the RT is yet to complete. He just half way thru, he dont even get his orginal weight but the doctor said iman more than ready.. so we just follow with the doctor's plan..


We didn't plan for the admission cos we thot it was only a normal check up, so we ask for house rest to settle everything,, it's really hard to leave the other 2 kids.. of cos i'm worried about their food (fahmi is still breatfeed), their safety and all.. but we need to prioritize, iman need us more than the other 2.. my tears running heavily as i leave the house.. it so hard,, luckily adik really understanding, adik said x apa iman kena sihat tau, kena makan byk.. well what can i say he really love his brother.. i'm so lucky to have him

fahmi may need to adapt a little cos normally at nite he will be fully breastfeed,, i hope he's accepting this easily,, i love both of u okay,, i'm so sorry but this is the only way..

Iman need to go for several test to determine the base line to enable them monitor the changes b4 and after chemo and the dosage of the chemo medicine, result from the ecocardiogram, ecg and hearing test came out to be positif.. Alhamdulillah

iman teasing us during ecg,, tho still in pain after minor surgery


Pls pray the chemo treatment goes well and hope not much side effect on iman..
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buzzy dizzy weeks

been very busy for the past couple of weeks, arhghhh... luckily they all sleeps early tonite (including my hubby ;-) so i can godek my blog.. hehe

Iman continue to loose his appetite,, so i'm making sure he needs to be feed up almost every hour so most of the time i'm in the kitchen cooking what he likes to eat, his food need to be healthily cook of which include freshly cook food,, there are few food guideline for patient under treatment as advised by Iman's dietician (talk about this later)..

From western to local,, hehe.. i'm still learning to cook,, thanks to my dear fren hazie who consistently suggesting me cooking blogs and recipes..

baked potato with creamy mushroom sos

vanila muffin w creamy vanila..
  
nasi lemak, ayam madu,, pancake, muffin, all kind of food that he loves, as long as he wants to eat it, i try to cook for him.. though tiring at least i'm satisfied when people say iman has gain weight.. really? I’m not really sure cos i'm seeing him every day / hour.. anyway he look healthy,, sorry dont have his latest close up picture,,


 at Tasik Perdana 14/02/2011


secondly my youngest baby is having fever (as high as 40 dgree last nite),, he's still on antibiotic, he refuses to bottle fed.. most of the time asyik bergantung aje..  Hope fahmi will recover soon and most importantly x jangkit kat abang2 dia yg lain

Demam baru dapat kaki agaknya kan


3rdly been busy with adik and fahmi join birthday celeb (since their birthday falls in Feb)..  it's basicly a small party we celebrated at my hometown (banting).. initially i bake a small cake for them.. tapi x jadi plak kek tuh,, hangus.. sedih sgt.. end up we all beli je kat kedai.. sorry lar adik ye,, ibu kena enhance my baking skill nih..
carot cheese cake for adik (faris) & Fahmi

Anyway, happy birthday adik and fahmi – jadi anak2 yg soleh ye dan jgn notti2 ka


We've been to Melaka also, initially we aiming penang but we afraid iman will not be strong enough to go for the long journey,, this holiday actually to boost up iman's spirit so that he will be a lot more stronger for the 2nd treatment i.e. the chemo.. 

Macam mana pun Iman really happy spending time at Melaka (we stayed at Avillion Legacy Hotel), riding the duck tours, visit croc farm, viewing melaka city via revolving tower etc, w/out my maid its really hectic but what far more important my kids enjoy the holiday


Lastly busy training my new maid from kemboja but sadly she only with us for 3 days,, she could not handle kids and my 2nd son (adik) inform me that the maid try to hit him (that was after we send her back), mother instict normally correct kan..

When i saw her the 1st time, i knew she could not manage my kid, her appearance with dye hair and nail polish,,, but that's still acceptable to me but the no-caring attitude is way to much,, so after 3 days we decided to send her back,,

For me managing the house chores are bonus is ur maid can handle it,, cos me alone wont be able to handle kids and house at the same time.. but what important to me is the maid can take care of the kids with love of course..

Well taking maid is major risk u have to take, but i am so lucky my bibik now (who has been with us for 6 years)  is so caring and loving and patience.. unfortunately she's leaving (for good this time) but we still persuade her to come back after she settle her matter at Indonesia.. really praying hard for this to happen


I'm gonna end my celoteh now, I'm praying weeks to come are smoother and easier to the whole family.. Amin




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