bulan yg penuh keberkatan

sori dah lama sangat x update my latest status on my blog.. tersangat lar busy and if i'm free the boys pun nak jugak catch up with new online games.. they got the priority card.. ermm

though iman cuti (from transplant protocol), he still need to get several chemo med from the hospital, not warded but in the day care itself (special for cancer patient)..few times pergi hospital tapi x boleh proceed dgn kemo sbb his imun too low,, so kena cucuk dgn imun booster (Niprogen) - 3 days in a row,, and as always he was on his tantrum.. when i asked why he was so angry.. sakit,, kalau x iman x mengamuk,,

we dont have any option, nak kasi iman baik,, semua ni nak bagi iman baik,, i hold him tight as he cried so loud,, i want him to u/stand that we love him so much.. that all medication,, all supplemnets just to make him better,, i couldnt do anything except waiting for him to cool down,, he did,, eventually..

But he had a blast weekend when we attended my sister's wedding (Adah),, dapat main dgn sepupu sepapat semua,, jumpa sepupu dia yg paling rapat (danish), dia x dpt main sgt sbb dia x larat,, tapi his cousin can u/stand his condition.. they all surrounded him and started chatting about games and then playing cards.. he looks really happy,, suka sgt tgk dia happy walaupun muka nampak penat..  

My sister's wedding memang comel with pinky theme.. thanks to my multi talented sister (k yang), who decorated her bedroom in sweet pink,, everybody loves it.. i'm so in love with pink now.. hihi.. kakak dia pulak sudah terlebih2.. by the way, my sister adah had during her holiday took care of iman (when iman still a baby b4 arrival of my maid),, iman still close to her, telling her about his day.. erm definitely a special connection, hard to xplain in words, iman mesti ingat jasa bik Adah yang jaga iman dulu ye..

Congratulation to the sweet couple and may allah blessed your life always,, Amin,, marriage is a beautiful journey if we put iman as our driver,, telling me this fact over and over,, and over.. again..

My sister, iman, adik and me (and spongebob...)

dah selamat nikah, iman kepenatan kat sebelah pengantin,,

my other 2 sisters (are-na and ema)

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1 mth break

After almost a week warded now we're back at home.. Alhamdulillah.. but he still need to go to chemo day care for several chemo meds and his foscarnet (anti viral) on wed and friday,, sharing the same space with other chemo patients make me feels i'm not alone,, as long as we follow the protocol given insyaallah everything will be fine,, we're accepting this as a test given to all human being.. to test how we react, how strong we are and may allah give our strength and smooth the whole process. May Allah cure his cancer as victory of this test,, Amin..

Iman had severe hearing loss after the 2nd cycle, he couldnt hear our voice if there are multiple conversations at the same time.. or if the TV is too loud,, i'm still learning of accepting this fact,, but as long as he's with me i'm fully grateful, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah...

Doctor is still working out whether they want to proceed with 1 of chemo med on Iman for the nxt cycle
Doa seorang ibu tiada hijabnya, as a mother i will always pray that he will get back his hearing and hope everything will be on his side,, Amin.. To All Readers i really need your doa for my son MUHAMMAD IMAN FARIHIN bin TAKRIMI,,

Iman really happy at home, better mood and definitely better appetite,, really happy seeing him laughing and playing with his brothers..

Alhamdulillah we have this 1 mth break cos I'm very xcited to attend my sister's big day this very soon,, really sorry cos i was unable to help her in various aspect but my prayer always be with her..



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a week at home

Alhamdulillah, at last we r at home, it has been a week already. Iman was so thrill when the doc said the result of CMV PCR is negative, so he can go back.. big hoorayyy

He will rest for 1 mth before next treatment, but he needs to get injected with chemo med (Vincristine and another drug) this monday and tuesday. The med doc said can sustain him for a mth during the break,, but as and when he fall sick we must bring him direct to hospital.. now we r back in hospital

Iman started having fever yesterday,, he never had fever since discharge, he didnt go out of the house and barely people visit him during last week,, and we wonder where it come from,, fever is an indication something wrong is happening in his body,, the fever didnt really 'go' after each paracetamol intakes,, it keeps coming back rite after the the 4 hrs lapsed,, w/out hesitation we head straight to emergency and yes,, iman needs to be warded.. his total white is higher than a normal person,, they said it could be due to infection.. he's on drip now.. worse still dia meracau2.. erm sian plak tgk dia,,

he lost 2 kilos of the 2nd cycle, he didnt get back his original weight,, not like the 1st cycle.. as much as we force him to eat, make variety of foods,,, he only put on few bites of each food,, i'm not gonna give up.. that's what mother do, wont give up on her kid rite..

not sure whether doc will continue with the chemo tomorrow, wait and see.. as for me now i'm expressing milk for my lil one at home while typing and watching tv..

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Iman x boleh discaj lagi

Yes his immune is back to normal,, today his total white at 7.2, platelet has become independent (2 days straight w/out platelet infusion,, ),, yahhoo.his body is producing his own platelet!!!

During one of platelet infusion, shivering is normal during the process, so he is covering his body with his 'selimut bucuk'

but sadly he just unfit to go home just yet.. erm his CMV PCR came back positive, just like last time,, Most Malaysian have this virus, this virus can attact iman while he has low immune system..

b4 the 2nd cycle kicked off, iman was on Foscanet (the antiviral), they did the CMV PCR test few times and they came back negative, but the latest test came back positive,,, sigh... It must be treated or else it may effect him later on,,

So tomorrow they will start Foscanet on Iman, 3 times a day, maybe for 2-3 days.. Iman already complaining  about wanting to go home, he bored playing snake and ladder, scrabble, plastacine...

he miss his brothers, miss his bicycle, miss his toys,,

playing online games - sesame street

eeewww, i grows moustache!

i myself : miss being home with the whole family,, like we used to,,

and I have big task waiting for me.. to train my new maid.. this is my 4th from kemboja,, hope this will be the last.. pls pray for us,, hope for the best insyaallah

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Ada hikmah di sebalik musibah

Kosmo harini ada citer psl hikmah disebalik musibah dlm bhgn soal jawab agama, nak petik sedikit riwayat muslim berkenaan ini :

"Dan jika sesuatu kesusahan mengenaimu janganlah engkau berkata - jika aku berbuat telah berbuat begini dan begitu, begini dan begitu lar jadinya. Melainkan hendaklah kamu katakan : Allah telah mentakdirkan apa yang ia suka, ia perbuat! "Kerana sesungguhnya perkataan andaikata ... itu memberi peluang kepada syaitan.

Sememangnya terdetik perkataan itu di hati ini selalu,, kalau lar aku tahu iman sakit awal2 lagi mesti dapat elak benda nih,, Andaikata peads kami dapat detect benda nih,,, macam2 lagi... mcm2 terpikir dlm kepala dan suami lar tempat mengadu,,,

i'm so lucky kimi (my beloved hubby) keeps reminding me that thinking about those things cant change anything,, cuma akan buat kita menyalahkan takdir.. dan kita x mungkin dapat mengubah apa yang telah ditentukan, direzekikan kepada kita oleh Allah.. Allah lebih tahu apa yg terbaik utk hamba2nya

Aku bersyukur aku diberi peluang ini dan kimi ada bersama2 mengharungi dugaan ini.. moga semuanya dipermudahkan oleh Allah, Amin 

(to my hubby if u r reading this, i luv u so much and tq for being there)

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White cell engrafting, Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, iman's white cell engrafting on day 7 (from 0 to 0.2),, today his count is 0.9, tho not as good as the 1st cycle (1.1) we are happy cos the the engraftment is happening very fast..

His platelet is still not stable yet, ok after platelet infusion is done and the following day started to drop again.. as of today 3 bags of platelets were infused to him.. same goes to his haemoglobin,, it keeps dropping.. no wonder he looks so pale.. so today he receive another bag of blood (packcell)... all blood (platelet / packcell) must be irridiated prior to each infusion.. 

despite that, doctor expect iman can be discharge as targeted on day 14.. hope for the best,, Insyaallah

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Seharian berhadapan dgn amukan iman

i dont now what or why , but today iman really had a bad mood,, non stop.. tried to console him, but it doesnt worked,, he refuse to drink, dont want to take his meds, dont want to eat..

for today we have all kind of foods,, today i bought him his fav food nasi lemak and mee hoon,, his menu for b/fast was porridge, lunch mee goreng, corn soup and muffin.. dinner my hubby bought some cakes and scones.. all just to make him eat.. but end up we have to eat them all..

taking his meds are the worse part,, he yelled, he screamed.. if only we knew what made him so grumpy.. i threaten if he didnt take his med i'll be going home, so he had to stay with the nurse,, he then take all the medicine but eventually he throw lots of thing, from pillow, his psp, spill some water on the bed, erm.. pls give us patience ya Allah

The chemo has made iman's skin a bit darker, more obvious his fingers..

hope he has better mood tomorrow..



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teruknya kesan 2nd cycle

this time around memang teruk side effect from the kemo which totally different from the 1st cycle.. iman kena diarrhea,, non stop purging esp on 2nd day of kemo,, just imagine no food intake at all,, so what comes out from his body basicly water from his drip i think.. kesian dia.. sampai melecet.. iman memang lemah sbb dia x larat nak bangun.. tapi dia x merengek,, sesekali dia mengadu pening.. we all letak vics utk kurangkan rasa pening tuh,, nampak mcm works.. tapi kena sentiasa lar bubuh..

Iman pn x larat nak bangun plus with 6-7 drips attached to him, susah lar nak ke toilet everytime dia nak pass motion.. dia pakai pampers je lar,, cuma iman nih memang x leh nak sheshe dkt pampers,, so still kena pakai urine bottle utk ensure dia kencing every hour.. lagi pun senang nurse nak cek urine output dia..

satu lagi,, iman dah 3 days in a row x tido,, maybe sebab sakit atau terlampau byk berfikir,, doktor kata it's not due to kemo med.. doktor bagi ubat utk dia tido tapi sbb dia asyik muntah, x works lar ubat tuh.. sian dia x boleh tido.. tgk mcm mana mlm nih,, satu hari nih aku x bagi dia tido.. mcm2 lar buat ngan dia.. main scrabble,, buat homework,, tgk tv, pastu suh dia main game.. walaupun  dia dok komplen psl lenguh2 tangan,, pas urut2 tgn dia.. dia main balik..
hopefully by nite he'll be able to sleep.. so ibu pun boleh tido gak... aku dah ngantuk sgt nih.. tapi pelik mata dia buntang lagi nih haa.. mana lar dia dapat tenaga.. nih dia tgh tgk disney chanel, so boleh godek blog nih


muntah tuh mcm biasa lar,, sbb ubat kemo nih kuat.. tho ada ubat tahan muntah,, dia still muntah gak,, non stop.. memula muntah hijau,, tahu je lar kalau muntah hijau tu kan.. cam masa menagndung.. kalau muntah hijau tu punya lar pedih dada tuh.. tapi lelama keluar ketulan darah.. nurse tuh kata maybe sebab dah luka dlm tuh.. dia asyik muntah je.. risau nya lar hati nih,, kena hari sabtu plak,,doktor dah balik,, lagi lar hati aku nih berdebar2,, sib baik esoknya muntah dia jadi normal balik.. alhamdulillah,, lega betul

satu masalah lagi dia x boleh bau makanan atau bau yg pelik2.. bau sup cendawan pn buat dia muntah.. bau nasik goreng lagi lar... few times gak kitorang bergilir makan kat visitors' room,, kitorang sembur gak perfume,, gantung mcm2 pewangi,, x jalan gak.. dia rasa mual2.. harap2 okay lar lagi few days nih

rawatan nih memang menyakitkan, kita yg melihat nih memang x sanggup lar tgk dia dlm keadaan mcm nih,, dia yg mengalaminya x tahu lar mcm mana..
tapi this is the best treatment,, rawatan ini hanyala method utk sembuhkan dia,, kuasa utk menyembuh hanyalar milik Allah jua,, hanya pada Dia kami panjatkan doa,, moga kanser ini dapat hilang dari bdn iman buat selama-lamanya.. Amin..

 

my 3 heros, 4 actually.. nih gambar ms kt melaka,, lupe na bwk card reader, so x leh nak upload gambar latest.. mayb later k

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stem cell infusion

today is a very big day for iman.. stem cell infusion was done at 10 this morning,, takes 30 minutes to fully infused,, during the infusion he was awake and i can see he's uncomfortable with the whole things.. the machine, the red colored stem cell.. this is the first he watch the whole process.. he slepts during the 1st cycle.. a bit of a shocker cos there are so many strangers in the rooms for this procedure.. yeah.. he's a shy person.. he's uncomfortable with new people around..

But he eventually sleeps due to medicine inserted prior to stem cell..  or because he didnt sleep well last nite, or last 2 nites.. dont know y, not because of the medicine,, doctor said probably cause he thinks a lot, initially we couldnt believe it cos he just a kid,, what he probably think of would be playing 24/7,,
but when we asked him, he said yes,, i think about adik.. sian my little baby.. he miss his brothers.. and that's the only thing he have in mind now.. he wanna go home..

so days ahead are really important.. his wbc, haemoglobin and platelet will be monitored closely..

iman will remind me to pray for him.. ibu arini kita belum doa sama-sama lagi,,,
so my prayers :

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim, we recite al fatihah,, then Ya Allah Ya tuhan ku, Kau maha pengasih dan maha penyayang,, sembuhkan lar penyakit muhammad iman farihin utk selama-lamanya ya Allah, kurangkanlah kesakitan yang akan dialaminya ya Allah, kuranganlah kesan dari rawatan ini ya Allah.. kasihanilah hambamu ini ya Allah.. amin ya rabbal a'lamin

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and the journey continues

Alhamdulillah these few days iman dah boleh main kejar2 dgn adik2 dia.. kalau tidak dia akan terbaring aje.. dia dah x demam lagi.. selalunya at least once a day demam.. but low grade fever ler, highest 38 degrees on last sunday.. risau sbb doctor kata if exceed 37.8 kena admit,, muka dia pucat,, but we take the risk utk x admit cos lagi 2 hari before next treatment,, sian at dia,, bagi dia main puas2 dgn adik2 dia..

risau sgt sbb ramai org visit iman kat umah,, nak kata x blh dtg susah jugak..tapi mmg doktor suruh limit visitor utk elak jangkitan.. though his imun system dah back to normal, he is still vulnerable to infection which can be harmful for his next treatment cycle,, i know how much u cared about iman.. but pls pls do understand of his condition,, i love him too

Today (23/3), iman proceeds with 2nd cycle,, so as usual he had to u/go several tests...  hearing test, ecg and MRI.. ECG and MRI came out ok,, but his hearing ada masalah sikit of which he cant hear high frequency sounds,, i was informed it would be permanent.. unreversable due to chemo medicine calls cisplate.. bergenang air mata.. husband suruh kuat.. aku pergi toilet utk menangis sepuas2nya.. x nak iman tahu... x boleh tido memikirkan benda nih... x sabar tunggu esok utk tanya dkt doctor sendiri

kalau lar boleh transfer all the pain, all the side effect to me.. aku sanggup.. he still young, he wont u/stand what’s happening to him,, if only.. tapi semua nih dah ditakdirkan, segala nikmat yg dikurniakan oleh-Nya boleh diambil semula bila2 masa, semua milik-Nya.. dan aku redha.. sesungguhnya ada khabar gembira utk org2 yg sabar selepas setiap ujian yg diberikan oleh-Mu.. moga kami tergolong dlm kumpulan itu,, berikanlah kekuatan kepada kami utk menghadapi dugaan-Mu ini.. Amin

Untuk anakku iman, ini x ada apa2.. ada orang yg lagi susah.. iman kena kuat ye,, sbb iman sumber kekuatan ibu ye.. ibu akan sentiasa doakan kesembuhan iman..

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