"Modulloblastoma" Completely Change My Life

brain cancer, that's d fact.. anak saya ada brain cancer named modullablastoma, cancer ni selalu terjadi pada kanak2, dlm kes anak saya 5 tahun.. antara simptomnya pening2 (iman selalunya waktu malam), muntah tak berhenti (sama ada with or w/out food intake). Kalau x buat scan (CT scan / MRI), benda nih mmg x blh detect. Anak saya, dia muntah tak berhenti dlm tempoh 2 mggu, then doktor buat CT Scan which confirmed tumour approx 3.8 cm.  Diagnosis dibuat seminggu sblm birthday dia.. siapa x sedih, dlm umur dia yg masih muda, waktu diagnosis dia sdg jalani final exam (kindergarten),, dia pun dah lembik sbb x blh nak makan or minum. Doktor kata tumour tu dah obstruct flow of CFS (brain fluid), That's why iman muntah. Kena operate immediately or else.. (nauzubillah), h/ever the surgery itself only has 25% chances (hanya allah saja yg tahu mcm mana perasaan kami waktu tu)..

How to decide the best for him.. kami bwk few places utk alternative medicine, tapi iman's condition remain the same.. mcm mana nih.. we have no choice but to proceed with surgeries..

Iman admitted @ Tawakal hospital 18/10.. birthday dia,, kesian sbb dia kena go thru semua nih during his b/day, tapi we all sempat celebrate birthday dia in advance,, (thanks to family saya yg organize the party with goody bag bagai,, alhamdulillah),, Iman dapat byk hadiah,, x penah b/day party dia semeriah nih,, sedihnya,, mana tahu ini b/day dia yg terakhir.. Nauzubillah, moga dijauhkan, rasanya x sanggup kehilangan dia..

Doktor neurosurgeon buat 2 surgeries, 1 - install VP shunt (utk alirkan CFS) direct to his abdomen, 2 - the major surgery to remove the tumour.. boleh ingat lagi di OT, dia menangis nak saya hantar i/o husband, saya dah x blh jalan waktu tu,, lemah. kesian dia x ada saya buat peneman dia di dlm OT nanti,, air mata mengalir x berhenti.. rasa x sanggup nak hadapi mcm2 kemungkinan nanti,, doktor kata operation takes 7-8 hours,, lamanya saya nak tggu,, tak sanggup dia diapa-apakan,, apakan daya ini jln terbaik utk dia,,,

Masa operation,, yasin memang x berhenti dibaca,, niatkan buat peneman dia di dlm OT,, dan juga utk keselamatannya,,, saya cium baju dia.. wangi sgt.. dia x ada dosa,, kalau apa2 jadi syurga lah tempatnya.. tapi sapa yg sanggup kehilangan anak.. i cant loose him.. tapi saya tahu dia milik Allah, hanya dipinjamkan sementara,,, tapi ya allah selamatkan lah iman,, ya allah sembuhkan lah Iman...

Bila doktor sendiri dtg sampaikan berita dah selamat,, leganya rasa,, Alhamdulillah both surgeries went very well w/out complication. The shunt  is installed permanently so memang nampak lar benjolan di kepala iman.. sedih bila dia tanya kenapa doktor jahit kepala iman, kenapa ada benjol,, its not easy to tell a 5 yr old what the doktor did to him w/out your tears running..

M really sorry he had to go thru all these at very young age,, sapa yg sanggup tgk anak kena cucuk, darah kena ambik everytime, kepala berjahit... sedih sgt.. tapi at that time, itu je cara yg terbaik utk Iman

kekadang salahkan diri esp with people around us who pointing fingers to us,, (salah makan,, makan maggie byk sgt,, pakai cellphone), but the doktor convince us there are no valid reasons why this happen to my son, not because of gene etc,, it's just happen.. ketentuan Allah,, i wish i could tell them all that - this could also happen to them, but something holding me back, biarlar apa org nak kata,, they have their rights,, tapi Allah yang berikan dugaan ini, aku pasrah, insyaallah ada kebaikan disebalik dugaan ini.. Dia lebih mengetahui apa yg terbaik utk hamba2-Nya

Tapi ramai juga yg berikan positive vibes to make me and hubby stronger, bagi kata semangat,, alhamdulillah.. ramai yg memahami situasi yg kami hadapi, itu x tmsk yg datang bwk gift utk iman.. anak saya ni pemalu orgnya.. tapi bila dorang sume dah balik,, baru lar bukak mulut tersenym je tgk hadiah tuh,, bagi yang byk membantu kami sekeluarga,, moga Allah balas jasa mereka dgn balasan yang berlipat ganda,, Amin

After few weeks, result biopsy keluar, confirmed cancer, so mmg no choice iman Radioterapi (RT) and Kemo treatment is a must,, Another devastating news, Post MRI shows residual tumour which is quite big 3.5 cm lagi.. tu yang kami x paham kenapa ada lagi.. nak operate lagi, rasa x sanggup rasanya utk sign borang kebenaran tuh,, Iman dkt sebulan x bercakap dgn kami lepas surgery,, sama ada merajuk / sedih / sakit.. kami x tahu.. takut juga kalau ada side effect lepas surgery tapi doktor kata kawasan operate tiada kaitan dgn bhgn perasaan dan percakapan,, so i guess dia merajuk lar dgn kitorang..

Lepas keluar Tawakal, kami start perubatan alternatif, w/ever supplement recommended kitorang bagi dkt Iman, among which termasuk 4-Life Transfer Factor, CellPlus, ubat Herba Hj Zabir (di beranang), few ustaz, kami nak cuba semua cara yg termampu,, kami x nak kami menyesal kemudian hari kerana x mencuba.. Amalan2 doa dan surah utk kesembuhan iman juga x berhenti kami amalkan,, bila pikir balik ini lar hikmahnya,, kami makin dkt dgn Allah,,

So far iman nampak kuat lepas operation,, in fact he gain weight almost 2 kilos.. Memang Syukur x terhingga pd yg Maha Esa.. Alhamdulillah
sepatutnya iman perlu buat rawatan di HKL tapi memandangkan long que,, we all mintak refer to SJMC (now SDMC).. Doktor di SJMC request buat another MRI, Alhamdulillah x terhingga, MRI terbaru tunjukkan x ada lagi tumour,, maybe kesan supplement yg pelbagai atau doa2 org ramai yang sygkan kami sekeluarga.. coincidently hari kami dpt berita gembira sama dgn hari ke 40 bacaan yasin 40 kali,, Allah perkenankan doa2 kami, doa org yg sayang kan iman,,, air mata saya mengalir kegembiraan... Allah perkenankan doa kami, Alhamdulillah, sayangnya Allah pada kami...

acdg to doctor kalau residual tumour > 1.5 cm consider large dan terus jatuh high risk, tapi dlm kes Iman sbb dah x ada tumour jadi medium risk,,, dose for RT and Kemo will quite low so with less side effect...cuma doktor dah brief there could be permanent damage such as hearing problem, growth disorder etc.. tapi pada kami as long as Iman with us, already good enough,, lagi pun apa2 benda yang akan terjadi hanya dgn izin allah, so kekuatan kami hanya pada doa.. YA ALLAH PERKENANKAN DOA KAMI YA ALLAH..

Tapi satu bila iman kena admit di HKL (KK3- wad peads utk cancer patient), kami memang insaf dgn keadaan patient kat situ, ada yang lagi kritikal, Allah duga mereka dgn dugaan yg lagi hebat,, ada baby baru 9 bulan dah x ada buah pinggang sbb dah dibuang kerana kanser,, mcm2 lagi,,

dugaan utk Iman uncomparable dgn pesakit2 kat situ,, parents / guardian bdk2 nih memang tabah... tapi saya percaya setiap dugaan hanya diturunkan pada mereka yg dipilih, pada yang mampu sahaja.. yang menjadikan kita lebih dkt pada-Nya.. Moga Allah rahmati pesakit2 di wad KK3, kurangkan lah kesakitan yg di alami mereka,, Amin
Skrg nih Iman masih buat rawatan RT lagi di SJMC,, 2-3 hari ni rambut dia dah start luruh, walau sedih bila dia bertanya 'Ibu napa rambut Iman gugur byk nih' saya jwb sbb nak tumbuh rambut baru yg lagi cantik, lagi berkilat.. tapi x lama lepas tuh saya ke toilet utk tenangkan diri,, air mata ibu ni mengalir lagi,,

Doa saya dan suami, moga kesan dari rawatan ini x menyakitkan, dapat dikurangkan,, moga iman kuat,,, Amin.. Utk anak ku Iman, ibu dan Ayah sgt sayang kat iman, Iman anak yg baik,, x penah susahkan ibu dgn ayah, Iman jgn risau, I know the treatment will be painful and unbearable,, but one thing for sure Ibu and Ayah will always be you.. dont stop believing and dont loose hope,, I know Allah has something in store for you,,

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Cerianya Seorang yg Bernama Muhammad Iman Farihin

Muhammad Iman Farihin - born 18/10/2005,, we have waited for 2 yrs for him to join the family.. He really made our life lively and cheerful as the meaning of Farihin,, Yg Menceriakan, Menggembirakan.. We put Iman infront of the name so that anak ibu dan ayah nih sentiasa jadi anak yang soleh, dkt dgn agama dan tidak lalai dgn dunia.. Insyaallah,, Amin


memang x susah jaga iman, x byk ragam.. adik dan bibik yg menjaga iman pn cakap benda yg sama,, dia memang anak yg baik,, dia meniarap ms umur 3 bulan, berjalan ms umur 9 bulan.. he can recognise numbers and ABC at the age of 2.. he's really bright..


He's a shy person too,, at the scale of 1-10, i can rate him 10.. He only re-act to person who really close to him, kuat merajuk tahap gaban.. tapi bila dia gembira dan buat lawak sampai semua org akan gelak.. hehe,,, iman2


Iman really attached to ayah,, so everytime ayah dia nak gi mana2, even gi solat di masjid, dia akan mengekor.. Alhamdulillah di masjid pun dia x buat bising,, dia akan imitate cara ayah dia solat,, normally he wakes up before 6.00 am sbb nak ikut ayah dia solat subuh.. Ibu dgn ayah sgt2 beruntung dapat anak mcm iman, Alhamdulillah


Dia sempat gi kindergarten 5 tahun, dah tahu baca beberapa surah mcm Fatihah, Al Ikhlas, An-Nas, doa2 lazim.. we r really impress tgk dia baca Iqra,, boleh mengeja.. cikgu Saadiah did a good job,, Terima kasih cikgu...sedih jugak lar sbb dia x dapat habiskan tadika tuh sbb sakit,, dia cuma sempat ambik exam 1 hari je,, pn x sempat nak attend graduation day dia.. Tapi iman got plenty of time after this kan,, I know he's a brilliant kid,, definitely he'll catch up..




Walaupun dia sakit, dia akan still akan buat kami gembira... dia x nak kami sedih2 rasanya.. tapi bila dia marah atau merajuk susahnya nak pujuk.. ye lar sapa x marah kalau asyik2 kena cucuk kan.. tahu2 kepala dah berjahit,, Takpe iman, ibu dgn ayah selalu doa pada Allah supaya penyakit iman dapat disembuhkan, sbrg kesan / kesakitan dapat dikurangkan ye, Amin..


Ini antara gambar2 iman slps diagnose ada cancer, dia memang sgt2 ceria,, mcm org x sakit

iman @ 13/10/2010 the day he was diagnose ada tumour - masih rajin mengusik walau dah lemah lps muntah.. he's such a good boy.. sapa sangka dia ada sakit yg kritikal , dia x nak wat ibu dan ayah susah hati rupanya.. Sepadan dgn nama Farihin - yg menceriakan..

2-3 wks after major operation di hospital tawakal - asyik2 mintak icecream,, ibu layan je lar

Memang favorite iman buat muka,, yg nih dia buat muka puffer fish - still happy walau baru lepas insert kateter kat leher dia @ sjmc for harvesting of stem cell

Buat muka lagi,, muka momok konon,, ibu tak takut ler.. malam2 awak yg takut kan.. hehe

cuba teka iman tiru gaya sapa? mr bean..hehe.. Mr bean is one of Iman fav TV show

Iman with his brother fahmi, dia suka sakat fahmi dan jaga fahmi jugak.. balance lar kan

His hair start falling after 3rd wk of RT.. but it doesn't stop him from playing @ tesco xtra.. Iman x nak susahkan hati ibu dgn ayah kan, so iman nak happy2 je

what a child can do best.. definitely playing lar kan.. i guess it make him forget bout the pain

Ibu dan Ayah akan selalu doakan kesembuhan iman, kesihatan iman dan semoga iman jadi anak yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat,, Ingat iman org yang terpilih, org yang diberi perhatian oleh Allah, bukan senang nak dapat perhatian Allah.. Ibu doakan iman dan kuat ye.. kita sama2 tabah kay

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"Sayonara" My Working Life

Never occur to my mind, I’m going to let go of my career. After 10 years of working; my job has become part of my important daily routine. I mean half of the day is spend in the office, doing you work, mingled with co-workers etc. The other half is basically spend with your family and for resting (tidor x hengat). 

But when Iman (my 5 yr old son) was diagnosed of having brain cancer, I knew I have to give up my job, he requires my attention more than my job requires me. I’ve trained myself off the work routine when I’m in the hospital taking care of Iman (1 month) and another month at home. Yes 2 months unpaid. Comparatively I would say being a full time housewife is challenging and tough compared to my working life.  I know this would not be permanent; becoz staying in KL with escalating cost of living, we definitely can’t afford it.

I started my career as an account officer with a semi gov. agencies providing funds for investment and what I remember I have jumped almost 5 jobs; all in banking / credit sector.  Through these years, I learnt different working method, different work cultures and importantly I gain lots of friends along the way. I really enjoy my work especially the current one.

Despite that, my husband and I have decided that I should take unpaid leave or in worse case simply resign since iman need to undergo radioterapi and kemo after the operation. We had few calculation how we are going to survive during my unpaid period. We need to really cut our expenditure!

Luckily when iman is still in the hospital, one of my colleagues informed me that my bank is offering MSS (mutual separation scheme), the offer only valid for 2 weeks, So I must make the decision quick. This is a very tough and risky choice. But I seek Allah guidance by performing solat istikharah,, deep in my heart I’m already certain I have to let go of my job.

The MSS is basically blessing from Allah to us. Allah loves us so much that He eases our mind on the financial part.. though the money would can only survive us for 6-7 months tops, at least it is something than having none at all if i take unpaid / resign.

Back to departing from my current job, i'm gonna miss the working environment.. though i sometimes complained to my husband how uneasy to deal with people, my co-workers and such but i would say dealing with my job is way much easier compared to dealing with the task as a mother, a wife.. especially in managing sick child. There are many unexpected thing, everyday is different, everyday is a challenge. But i must think positive, this challenge will make me stronger and make me value the important aspect of my life i.e. my family. And importantly the new journey has been written to me by Allah, my creator and only He knows what best for me and He will be with me all the way..

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