Breakdown

Last nite, I bring faris to meet doctor for a check up cos he keeps complaining of stomach pain.  The doctor said his tummy contained so many air, so the doctor gave him some med to reduce the pain.

Then the doctor asked how am I doing dealing with iman’s condition? How about my husband? I said my husband coping it very well compared to me.  It is very tough, but I am a lot better than during the earlier diagnosis.  The doctor said that I looked different, he can tell by looking at my face. I said this incident changed me.  He said I look calmer and stronger than before. This doctor is just like our family doctor. His clinic is located like 500 meter from our house. He knows all our family member including my maid.. hehe..

Now I become more cautious if my sons get sick. I have this feeling, anxiety that my other sons also having similar disease. All those worrying thoughts.  If only I can make it go away.  The doctor advises me to stop thinking negative, the worse thing in your life had already happened, life couldn’t get worse than that. He said I must be strong,, if my son can really deal with it, I as his guardian should be stronger, for his sake. He said brain cancer is not happen due to genetically reason. 

My tears finally breaks free, I said dealing with surrounding people who sometimes don’t really understand what we're dealing is the hardest part. It’s really tough..But I have to go through it. I told the doctor there were people who  told me that the radiotherapy will shrink his brain. How am I supposed to react to that? He’s my son, of course whatever I do is the best for him.  Getting the news that your son is having cancer from the doctor is our worst nightmare , but yet people dare to speak that harsh word to me. Just to drag us futher down. Of course I didn’t response to that, i silent my tongue cos I don’t want to hurt anyone.  Thank s doctor cos you willing to hear my voice this very nite.

I ignored negatives thoughts from others, they can say what they want but it won’t shakes me,, not now. I have to pick and choose friends even my own relatives who really do understand,  somehow  I really not in the mood to meet people cos I don’t want to be influenced negatively by them.  For my friends and relatives who really understand, thank you so much..  I certainly love u all.

By the way Iman was discharged exactly 14 days after transplant of stem cell. It’s quite fast. Which is good cos I really miss adik and fahmi. Iman is doing really well the doctor said.  Ibu and everyone else who loves iman will continue our prayers for your full recovery ok.

As for me I’m waiting for a good news to pop out, insyaallah.. Hope everything on my side, Amin.