Parents support group

When dealing with cancer, it is really important we mingle around with people who are also facing same diseases. We can share our experiences, our thought. Real life information compared to information available from google. In chemo day care SDMC for instance is a great place to meet people with the cancer related ailment. How the diseases started, what treatment they are currently on. Somehow it can reduce our anxiety and be prepared with the side effect of the chemo treatment either temporarily / permanent. At least we know that we are not alone fighting.

The other day, SDMC arrange parents support group and invited few parents with various types of cancer from leukimia to other solid tumour.  I joined cos i want to share my feelings.  I cried when i heard their side of stories. Everybody have their tough time.

There were breakdown moments, one of the parent admitted that she almost commit suicide, cos she cant bare the fact that his son is having cancer, but eventually she came to her senses that she needs to be strong for her son.

We shares knowledge on how it started, what challenges we faced. Each chemo med has its own side effect, extreme side up to having diabetes and have to be dependant on insulin, having LP is like taking normal jab.. it's really tough..

Among the particpants includes 2 parents whose childs already completed the course of treatment. They brought their childs along. They look perfectly healthy and brilliant too.. Exactly like iman, except that iman is skinny now.. They said that it is really essential that we, as a parent to be strong for our kids, ignore all negative thoughts and focus on the kids, to support them, be with them. I seriously want to be like them, to be strong,, may Allah give strength to me to face this challenge.

They said once it all over, when they look back on what they had gone through, they smile cos they survive the hard time and every moment was a very sweet memory. Turning bad experience into sweet memory would be very challenging. I will and i must make this journey as sweet as possible, insyaallah.

2 hrs sessions seems not enough. We ended the session by sharing our positive thought so it can boost everyones' spirit. hope they can organise such program soon.
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iman ok cikit this cycle

alhamdulillah dah selamat masuk ubat kemo 3 days in a row,, x teruk sgt sbb at least dia blh makan sikit2.. compared to dulu - 5 days straight x makan,, nih dia blh bgn,, blh wat keje sekolah, blh gelak.. bila tgk dia mcm tuh, hati nih x ada lar rasa sedih sgt.. Alhamdulillah sgt2

ada few times jgk bila nampak nurse bwk msk ubat kemo tuh, nampak muka dia takut,, dia suruh peluk,, maybe dia tahu,, dia akan sakit lepas masuk ubat, cant imagine the pains he has to deal,, moga dia kuat, i know he's strong,, cuma kalau lar ada cara utk kurangkan sakit tuh,, mcm mana ye.. ibu boleh berdoa je iman..

esok akan rest 1 day b4 infusion of his stem cell,, moga2 semuanya berjalan lancar.

harini adik2 dia ada datang, memang nampak kegembiraan dia, kalau x asyik monyok je. pagi tadi nak lap badan dia (sbb routine kene lap bdn dgn ubat nih utk elak infection), dia dah mengamuk, bila adik dia dtg terus change mood.. dlm hati lega.. adik2 pun boleh tgk dari luar je, sempat lar fahmi (my last baby) main nyorok2 ngan iman.. iman kat dlm,, fahmi kat luar.. sekejap je pun kat spital, x sampai 1/2 jam,, dpt lar breastfeed dia kejap,, jadik lar lepas rindu nih.. nak lama2 pun takut lar ganggu org yg sakit..

adik plak duduk luar diam2 sbb dok melayan psp abang iman,, pastu bibik ada lar mengadu yang adik ada bebel2 kat umah ms mamai2 nak tido.. "x ada org tgk adik, x ada org jaga adik, ibu x ada, ayah  x ada".. alar siannya anak ibu.

kalau saya nak balik umah waktu malam (lepas iman tido), bdk2 dah tido, early morning the next day nak rush gi hospital (definitely b4 iman wakes up, kalau x mengamuk dia nanti), so end up cant spend time with them.. x apa lar susah2 sikit..  kene sacrifies sikit.. i hope one day he'll understand..
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permulaan 3rd cycle

semalam iman kena masuk ward utk 3rd cycle of transplant.. procedure LP nampaknya okay - crystal clear, tapi test result belum ada lagi. Mudahan2 ok.

Harini start kemo - kick off with carboplatin (substitute for cisplatin), doctor said he cant used cisplat anymore cos iman's hearing already affected from the previous 2 transplants. Takut it getting worse if they proceed with that drugs.

Sedih memang sedih, bila doktor bgtahu it could be permanent, tapi saya kene redha,, iman milik allah, kita semua milik allah, the fact that he's still with me, alhamdulillah x terhingga pada-Mu ya Allah.

Saya perlu lapangkan dada, kata2 negatif org x perlu ambik port, we cant change them,, but we can change ourself,, Sekiranya kita berserah sepenuhnya pada Allah, insyaallah Dia akan lapang hatikan kita seluas-luasnya. Setiap org akan menghadapi dugaan dlm hidup, It doesnt matter whether big or small,, like it or not we have to face it, how we tackle it is what matter most, hopefully it can make us a better person.

Takziah to my uni mate, Suffian Affendi yg kehilangan isteri (also my uni mate - Zalinda Zainuddin), anak perempuannya (Aisyah), ayah dan ibu mentuanya di dlm kemalangan di Kuala Kangsar smlm. Moga roh2 mereka ditempatkan di kalangan org2 yg beriman. Ampunilah dosa2 mereka dan permudahkan urusan mereka Ya Allah.. Moga Pian tabah menghadapi dugaan ini dan moga anak bongsu mereka (was informed still in ICU) kembali sihat.. Amin.
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double joys

tomorrow birthday my husband, but i have something to do tomorrow (probably takes the whole day), so we r celebrating his birthday in advance (arini).. in conjuction with mth of june, we are celebrating father's day also, takut lar nanti x sempat nak celebrate sebab iman dah nak masuk spital utk 3rd cycle.

I cooked soto for him, muffin and cake (if u consider kek batik as a cake,, haha),, i bought ice cream vianetta as replacement of cake,, boleh potong gak kan.. memang x pandai lar wat kek sampai sekarang,, tension betul..

pandan muffin,, sedap sikit lar kali nih,, hehehe

bergedel (btl ke ejaan nya) yg dah tinggal sikit.. means sedap lar tuh kan..haha, perasan

iman dah siapkan his personalised card, love shapes showing how much he loves his dad, he put the card inside a paper bag together with a gift (mak dia tolong sponsor le kan.. ) unfair kalau adik x participate,, so adik pun ada wat card jugak, so kene lar beli 2 hadiah, one from iman and one from adik, fahmi plak... erm bagi hugs and kisses cukup lar ye..

iman's special card for ayah

kad dari adik, it's actually picture of a house, so colorful kan!

saya pun ada wat kad jugak.. hehehe,, tada

En Kimi, u r voted for this category..

En Kimi, happy birthday, semoga panjang umur dan di murahkan rezki, dan yg paling penting hidup diberkati allah selalu supaya dapat memimpin kami ke jalan yg diredhai.
thank you for being a good father to the kids, - so loving and patience. Happy father's day. u r definitely one great father.
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kemo treatment postponed

Supposed 3rd trasnplant was on 2nd june, but they have to postpone it cos iman's white blood cell was low.  0.1.. too low

the doctor injected him with niprogen to boost his immune.. he cried so loud since he didnt expect that at all.. we also thought his immune already back to normal.. the other nite we bring him to pasar malam.. adush.. luckily he's okay..

as always after each injection he kicked and pinched us..i tried to calm him down but it didnt work.. he get angrier after we tried to console him,, i tried to stay away from him but he chased me.. Adoi lar iman.. another 5 injections to go.. we did asked the doctor to give lower dose but the doctor dont want to take any chances, next week iman shld go for the 3rd transplant! cant postponed any longer..

so during this 1 week rest, i get the opportunity to monitor the contractor who did some renovation of my toilet..
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